Reply to Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does having 1 parent stay home with the kids make having 3 easier? Or does it not change anything?[/quote]

It's all about resources and allocation. Having a SAHP could be the right solution for resource allocation, assuming that parent genuinely wants to be home with three kids and the family has enough financial resources on one income. Other families will do better with both parents working, maybe one in a more flexible job (teaching seems to be a good job for the primary parent in a family like this because of how well it aligns with kids schedules compared to other careers) and then very good and reliable childcare in the form of a nanny, extended family, or great and convenient daycare/aftercare. Probably house cleaners and other assistance around the house because if you are both working, there will not be much time for cleaning, mowing the lawn, etc.

It is harder to allocate resources with three kids than with two. Basically the longer you will be in high-resource stages (the 0-5 stage, and then again during tween/teen years) the harder it is to cover all your bases. I'm a huge fan of the temporary SAHP to help deal with the high-resource stages, I think we should talk about it more as a society. Having a SAHP during the daycare years can be such a boon if you can swing it and it won't torpedo that parent's career. But then having two incomes during the school years can really help with ensuring everyone has access to other resource they need (though I think a part-time or super flexible job can really help there as well, unless you have good help at home).

I do think one thing that happens with 3+ kids is that if you have a SAHP with that many kids, the odds of that person returning to the workforce gets slimmer and slimmer every year. And if they do return, it's likely to be in a very low paying job, or to have very little flexibility, because they will be very junior. So if you have 3 kids and decide one of you should SAHP, you need to be ready for that to be a permanent change and not be resentful or disappointed 10 years later when you are still on one income. And with 3 kids, you need the working parent to be pretty high earning, or you need to be willing to live in a low COL area, because the expense of raising 3 kids, and sending them all to school, is not for the faint of heart.[/quote]

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