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[quote=Anonymous]OP, what are your DH’s reasons for rejecting intensive DBT?

I would explore why he is rejecting this recommendation. Tell him your concerns and tell him that you feel it’s his obligation to your family to pursue all treatment options that could be helpful. You are likely to be extraordinarily important to him and you can influence and put pressure on without making ultimatums necessarily.

There is also the possibility that he could pursue a job that is less stressful.

I have depression myself and I’m on medication and have been through years of therapy. Sometimes I do need to retreat for a couple of days and lit in bed. Things just get completely overwhelming for me and it is like having the flu or something. I am overcome by fatigue and cannot think properly; everything is slow and heavy and unbearable. Obviously I am not proud of this but I just can’t help it. However I do not treat my spouse badly in these situation, I recognize what is happening and I isolate myself.

My parents had untreated bipolar and alcoholism and I do what I can to not repeat that; I do not drink, I take medication, I use therapy. I contribute a lot to the family and the household. But I am not a perfect person and sometimes I just cannot cope.

Do you feel like your DH is a good person who is doing the best he can? You may need to go into therapy yourself to learn how to best handle these situations. He may be incredibly sensitive and full of shame about his mental health weaknesses. If the two of you are a team and are working together openly and honestly then I don’t think the management of mental illness is unsurmountable to family life, any more than physical illness is. But there is a lot of shame that needs to be dealt with, and fear and silence. Have you guys been to marriage counseling? It could really help you talk about this and productive ways and help your DH see your point of view without getting defensive. Good luck, I know it is not easy.[/quote]

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