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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Probably the reason a mentally ill spouse does this is that they feel guilty they were such a pain to deal with or something when they finally come out of their irresponsibility. It's another reflection on themselves that they project to their partner.[/quote]

[b]In my experience and my observation of an extended family with unmanaged mental disorders: they do NOT feel shame or remorse or guilt. At all.[/b]

That’s a myth that that’s why they mistreat and abuse others close to them. From shame or guilt or awareness of their issues.

[b]There is little awareness. By the time they are adults they have so many deeply ingrained maladaptive “coping mechanisms,” such as gaslighting, deflecting, making personal attacks, stonewalling, temper tantruming, they have convinced themselves that they are always right and those who inquire are always wrong and the bad guys. [/b]

[b]There is no guilt. It’s black and white, you are wrong, they are never wrong.[/b] It’s your fault- even their rages, breaking things, tempers, it’s never their fault. You are nuts, so are your parents, they are not. [/quote]

I was speaking to the ADHD person who is saying that the people who tried to help them were actually hurting them, and they should have just left them alone. It's a complete Un acknowledgement of spouses of the mentally ill as individuals with their own strengths and own agenda to live the life they want to live and likely agreed to. Finally, that person said they realized the help was from the spouse's perspective, but it's like he/she makes it about being selfish rather than helping. Yes, it is from their perspective because it's from them and they are individuals, not mirrors of what you want. Yes, it is actual helping. That's where the disconnect is. Just because it doesn't feel good to the mentally ill spouse or actually help them, doesn't make it "wrong" or "selfish". It's for each person to accept feedback and then make the best use for themselves. Labeling helpers are hurters is a defense mechanism.[/quote]

Yes! This! DP here.  Thank you fro articulating the situation. This describes DH and MIL to a tee. [/quote]

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