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[quote=Anonymous]My mother did not want to be a mother and she let me know it for my entire life until the day she died. My earliest memories are being aware that she didn’t like me and didn’t want to take care of me. She was never subtle about it. 
By today’s standards it was neglect.  She bought herself clothes, shoes, makeup and always looked fancy. but i never had more than one or 2 changes of clothes and wore the same winter coat all through middle and high school. 
We didn’t have food in the house. As soon as I was old enough I got a job at grocery store and stole food so that I could eat. I was always hungry. I felt like I didn’t have a mom - even though technically I did. 
I was extremely promiscuous as a teen. I think this had to do with lack of self-esteem because of my mother’s neglect. And absent father. I had more sexual partners in my teen years than most people do in a lifetime. 
Eventually I had a “relationship” - with a married man who was 12 years older than me and sexually abusive. 
By 20 I was putting myself through college by working in the adult entertainment industry. Very cliche I know. But at least I got a degree. My mom was disgusted with me for how I was making a living and suggested that I clean houses “since you don’t need a degree to do that.”  I did not take her advice. She did not attend my graduation. 
For my entire adult life my mother acted like I owed her something. I wound up taking care of her when she was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer. I don’t know why I felt obligated but I did. She resented me up until the very end. I do not miss her and rarely think about her. The trauma of not having a caring mom will always impact me. 
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