Reply to Husband considers two plates left in the kitchen "lack of respect" toward him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am your husband! And I am a wife!

It’s not over two plates, obviously, but I DEFINITELY read my husband leaving messes or halfassing his measly share of the chores as disrespect to me. It makes me feel insulted.

We have worked on this in couple’s therapy. I’ve been able to change my thinking somewhat. I still feel insulted by it a lot of the time, tbh.

I would say in general I’m pretty easy going and accommodating and this definitely happens to me more when I’m otherwise stressed out.

One thing you might do to head it off is if you need to leave something you know bothers him undone, communicate about it. A text that says “I ran out of time for the plates, will get them at dinner.” Or “I ran out of time for the plates can you help?” Should he just pick them up anyway? Arguably yes! But if he feels insulted the way I do, communicating is the best way to help imo. [/quote]

OP here. PP, my situation is quite different, because I am not "halfassing" my "measly share of the chores", but instead I do everything around the house and related to our kid. All he does is go grocery shopping on the weekend. I really don't think that I should have to text him about two plates that I left on the counter before rushing out at 7 on a Sunday to spend the day parenting our kid while he was free to spend the day as he pleased.

I often leave plates etc on the counter in the mornings, because I don't clean up the kitchen before drop-off and heading to work. I still don't consider this as a sign of disrespect toward my husband.[/quote]

I’m not arguing that it actually IS disrespect. I’m just saying I PERCEIVE disrespect where there actually isn’t any (or intended) and in that way your DH might be like me. The dynamic is kind of separate from the issue of chore parity. I think it’s been helpful for me to detangle the two.

But it sounds like you hate him and he’s a jerk so just get divorced honestly. [/quote]

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