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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All the people screaming that our parents have the right to live as they choose, wake the F UP.

My parents refused to move. My sister lives with them and, I see now, enabled it so she could keep the roof over her head. Had they moved a few years ago, listened to reason,they would be sitting on easy street with over a mil in the bank, being able to hire caregivers, stay in the lovely home they downsized to.

What they have now: desperation, no money, incontinence, immobilization due to declining health, and destined for a state-run nursing home for one or both that will take their home through estate recovery. Even if one still lives there, if the other dies in nursing home on Medicaid, the state/feds can take about 150K of the value in repayment. And they are still screaming that they won't move and won't go to a nursing home. My father still insists MediCARE will pay for all they need. Totally clueless. My mother will soon be in a wheelchair and/or bedridden all day. My father is too out of it to even care about that, not because he's selfish, but because of a past stroke. He has no capacity to make a good decision.

We cannot afford the 10K plus per month that will be required for them to live the life they desire. So the solution to them is for me to uproot my life and go out there full time and service their needs. I'm not the only one to try to talk sense into them. My aunt (father's sister) tried and all my father would do is scream at her that he knew what he was doing and would not be controlled. My aunt is 96, bought her own addition to my cousin's house and lives well with them, in the life she deserves and loves. She invested in long term care insurance early on. She's fine financially because she made good decisions. She's still so spry and so smart and I'm lucky to have her in my life.

All of this - ALL OF THIS - did NOT have to happen. Years of calling me a control freak and doing NOTHING has put them in this position. It makes me sad and angry and frustrated. I'm hoping when my mother finally gets scared enough, she will allow me and my older sister to come whisk her away from the fresh hell she's living in. [/quote]

I don’t get the problem. They sell their house, spend down their assets, and find a nursing home that will take Medicaid. They can't take their home with them when they die anyway.[/quote]

Agree with this. And in some places there are additional resources. Montgomery County has a program for seniors under a certain income level to subsidize rent in retirement places. The parents need to sell the house and move to a life care community.[/quote] OP here. Agreed. Problem: they don’t and are considered of sound mind. So now what?[/quote]

NP here, dealing with two elderly/disabled/stubborn parents. I've had to learn, especially in the last year, that just because they are 'competent' to make decisions-doesn't mean they will make good ones!

In my case, it's mostly my mom, because my Dad's Parkinsons has caused cognitive issues. But she'll go along with whatever he wants, despite it not being grounded in reality. Mom suffered a broken hip last year when Dad fell over on her. She didn't fully recover. They don't want ANY outside help in the home, they won't move to one of the several nice assisted living places near us-Mom thinks 'they're not ready yet'. They are PAST ready!!! I work full time and commute 2 hours a day and am still raising a dc. I do see them daily and do tasks at their house, but it's so stressful everyday to be away at work and worrying ALL.The.Time. My brother and I try till we are blue in the face to get them to get home help (dad is significantly physically disabled). We did finally get them to do POA thankfully before last year, because I sure needed it then. I guess they are just going to stay in that house until one or both of them fall or something awful happens. Then they will both have to go to a nursing home. I can't make them make better choices.[/quote]

PP, ooof, that sounds like a lot. How are they financially? When people are well-heeled, then having only one plan - remain in the home - seems okay. Where I struggle is when finances are limited for the parents as well as the children, especially when that refusal to consider options could wipe out the children (and grandchildren). My goal is to remove these kinds of burdens from our kids so they are able to be present with us and their kids when the time comes. Yes, it will still be a struggle, but ideally money worries will not be a part of it.[/quote]

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