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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell him. He deserves agency in the marriage. [/quote]

That is ridiculous. She would be blowing up her life: if the affair is never discovered, everyone is better off. Honestly, telling only hurts people. If it is over, never do it again and don’t tell if you want to stay married.

I would not want to know.

[/quote]

OP here. I’m very torn. In a way, telling would be a relief to me. However, this would crush my husband. I’m still so emotional right now. [/quote]

PP from 16:46 again. First of all, I’d suggest not doing anything momentous while you’re still reeling. Second, recognize that building back to a long-term relationship with your husband means you can’t keep this HUGE secret from him. Doing that would be deciding that your comfort, and his, are worth living the rest of your life as a truly immoral person. It’s not too late to take the high road. Third: yes, this will crush him. It did me. I found out more than a month after it was over, so could at least know that she had concluded that she wanted me and not him. Fourth: he may leave you. That’s one potential consequence of your actions. Own it, and give him the right to live in a future of his choosing, not some fiction you want for him. Fifth: however this turns out, you will get through this. He will. Your kids will. Yes, there will forever be repercussions. But there’s really no reliable easy way out, so don’t pretend there is. [/quote]

But what if he hadn’t dumped her?One month after she likely was getting over being dumped.  Are you sure she chose you or just that he did not choose her. Women are about exit affairs so I see this a lot.

I hope she actually realizes the significant trauma she caused many people.[/quote]

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