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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To OP -
I am in an affair right now . Reading this has been helpful . I am in love with him and he says he is also with me . However , kids are involved which makes me hesitant to leave . I also second what people on here are saying that affairs are a fun fantasy . Like my AP and I don’t have to discuss bills , raising kids together . All the mundane stressful things that married people do together . But I was in the same situation as you where my husband and I struggled with conflicts for years and then he seemed to have decreasing desire for me . He refuses to go to therapy .  The attention and love my AP gives me is indeed addicting . There is a big draw to be that good mom to your kids and stay with you husband and try to work on things through therapy . I wish you the best of luck and sorry for your pain . [/quote]

Pp, please end the affair for the sake of your children.  I realized something while I was mourning my relationship with AP, which I very reluctantly ended- when I was a child the adults in my life all declined to just do the right thing for their own selfish reasons.  By staying in the affair, I was doing the same thing to my kids and AP’s kids and passing on that trauma to the next generation- to FIVE kids, all because I messed up as an adult.  Yes, my fake affair “happiness” is gone, that rush is gone, the excitement is gone, but I’ve “sacrificed” my own happiness before for far less.[/quote]

OP here. If you don’t mind me asking, do you feel relieved? How long did it take you to get over the initial consuming sadness?[/quote]

I don’t know if I would call it relief- more of a conviction that no matter what I simply cannot contact this person ever again.  My marriage was imploding simultaneously and it took a couple of months to regain my equilibrium.  But your sanity will eventually come back, sort of in spurts.  To this day I still occasionally fantasize about AP but the thought of contacting him makes me sick.  [/quote]

OP here. My grief with this is coming in waves. The longer that he goes without texting, the more I feel like he didn’t care, if that makes any sense. [/quote]

OP what you are about to experience in terms of the evolution in how you feel about yourself when the AP does not contact you is going to be very hard. I am sorry to tell you.[/quote]

He didn’t care.  He obviously was in it for sex.  He had ONS prior.  You were another hole, an escape from himself.

The sooner you know you meant nothing the better.  Otherwise, you stay in this stupid delusional world you made up in your mind. [/quote]

It is possible to help OP come to terms without using degrading language like "another hole." His feelings for her may have been genuine or maybe what he said to get laid, or both. You do not know. He told his own father that he loved her. But in the end chose his wife. Sorry you were betrayed but there is no reason to crap on an obviously flawed and confused person. You are not perfect either. [/quote]

OP is in need of SERIOUS therapy and her husband is in need of a divorce.  [/quote]

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