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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m in the same boat OP, and honestly, I’m confident I’d regret not having a third. But I’m not sure I have the bandwidth.

I’m 38, kid #2 is 1.5. I’ve decided it’s a race against time. If I can get to the point where I have the bandwidth for a third before my fertility runs out, then great. If I can’t, I’ll have to live with that regret. But I agree with other posters that if you’re overwhelmed with two currently, it’s irresponsible to try for a third.

So focus on the overwhelm. What can you do to bring it down? What are your triggers? For me, it’s sleep, so I’m really focusing on prioritizing my sleep, excellent sleep hygiene and habits for both myself and my two children. Also putting aside money for a night nanny should we find space for a third. Also working on things like decreasing standards, streamlining things, becoming more efficient, encouraging independence from our toddler and helping him build life skills, both parents getting better at watching both kids alone, getting better at doing chores while watching kids, etc.

Maybe you’ll find more bandwidth. Maybe you won’t. [/quote]

I'm this PP with an update. We are currently trying for a third, and we're so excited about a potential new baby.

Basically shortly after writing this, we really found a bunch of extra bandwidth. I think with my first two so close together, I had to do a lot of physical and mental recovery from making two humans back to back. As I focused on self care, things fell more and more into place. Now, with a 3 year old and an almost 2, we both get plenty of time off from the kids, date nights, personal time, we've both gotten back into hobbies that we love, we've reconnected with old friends and made some new ones, and we're just in a great groove. And we're just having so much FUN with our kids. Our financial situation has improved, too. And we both feel strongly that our family isn't complete. So we're going to blow it all up, haha, and go back to the crazy for a while, confident that we'll find our footing again as a family of five.

So, thanks for this thread, and helping us figure out the right path for us. And my advice still stands, at least for now. Find the bandwidth FIRST. If you can't, you can't.  [/quote]

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