Reply to Expecting people to help you move in your forties?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's not rude to ask someone to help you move. It would be rude to just expect them to help, or to get angry if they said no. But it's not rude to ask.

It's also not rude to say "No, I don't want to." Like you don't need a good excuse or a conflict, you can just say that you don't want to move heavy boxes all day. It's fine.

A lot of the comments in this thread illustrate why sometimes even basic human interaction is weirdly difficult. You are all making it much harder than it needs to be.

[b](Also, OP's follow up indicates her real problem is that her DH has agreed to help his brother move, [/b]presumably because he wants to, and she's mad he won't be home to help her with things, which is actually a totally different issue that has nothing to do with whether it is appropriate for people in their 40s to ask for help with a move, but I digress.)[/quote]

Nope, her follow up indicates that this is an additional issue/problem, and that's all. I know some of you are REALLY determined to turn threads back on the OP no matter how much you have to twist yourselves into pretzels, and it's really tiresome. Give it a rest, folks.[/quote]

I think OP's real problem is with her husband because I don't think her stated problem is real.

OP is like "shouldn't these people hire movers? they can afford them." But what many of us are saying is that it doesn't matter. You don't have to help them move, but if they want to try and do it without movers, that's up to them.

Which again, brings us back to the real issue, which is that OP doesn't want her husband to help his brother move. That's a marital issue, not a question of etiquette.[/quote]

The reason why my BIL is not hiring movers is because he expects his three brothers and their wives and a couple close friends to help out every weekend until it’s done. That’s what I find baffling. The entitlement to our labor.

I’m not sure what movers cost if they’re not also packing you - 10k? 20k? I just know it’s one of the few situations where money really will solve the problem. So just hire the movers, get it done in one day, and be done with it. [/quote]

Then you say no, you can't help, and move on with your life. You don't have to do something just because someone expects you to do it, unless they are your boss (and even then, you can say no and see what happens, or change jobs or whatever).

If your DH said yes, presumably it's because he wants to help his brother move. They've known each other their whole lives, it's possible your BIL has helped your DH with many similar tasks in the past and would like to repay his brother, or simply wants to support a family member, or actually likes moving (there are people who actually enjoy doing a day of hard labor with friends and family, I know them).

But your BIL's decision not to hire movers does not mean you have to spend several weekends helping him move. Say no, and maybe have a conversation with your DH where you explain that this is just not for you. If they give you a hard time, well, now you know that they are not so respectful of your boundaries. But what you seem to want to do is either control your BIL's decision making process (not reasonable, he can decide what he wants to spend his money on -- not up to you) OR just acquiesce to a request you hate while preserving the right to complain about him and think he's a terrible person for "imposing" this on you. All of which is immature.

He's made his choice, you can make yours. You are both adults and you need to learn how to deal with situations like this in a more mature and productive way. "He should hire movers, he's too old for this" is not mature or productive because those are not your decisions to make.[/quote]

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