Reply to AITA for not wanting DH to give MIL 4K to clear a debt

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes op you are a huge AH. Do you want her to work u til she dies? She’s 69! [/quote]

Op here. She only worked for about 20 years, is super healthy, looks to be in her 50s, and could easily get a (desk) job in her field making 100K. She just doesn’t want to work anymore but didn’t save enough to live on. I’ve been working longer than she has in my mid forties. [/quote]

She didn't save for old age because she was making sacrifices for her son.

You are a galactically huge AH.[/quote]

No, she actually made a series of poor financial choices including multiple divorces, repeated custody battles, and staying at home for 20 years and not working. [/quote]

Op, I get it. My mom regularly touts the narrative that as a single mom she chose to make sacrifices for me in lieu of saving for her retirement when in fact she made a series of terrible choices, including marrying a drug addict and working only sporadically in “passion jobs”, which would have resulted in her being broke regardless (despite the fact that she herself grew up upper middle class with far more advantages than I ever had) and it’s only thanks to assistance from her extended family that I was able to go to college, etc.

A few years ago she ultimately decided at 62 that she was just done working (a white collar desk job), despite having 0 retirement savings and has since been living off of social security alone, though constantly hinting that she could use assistance. 
 
My husband and I make a decent enough HHI of 270k, but still worry about saving enough for retirement/college for our two kids. There’s absolutely no way that I’m going to draw from that to subsidize her “retirement”, despite the fact that I know her friends/outsiders are judging me for not helping out more as she is clearly struggling financially and we relatively appear to be comfortable.[/quote]

I have a serious question for you PP. what kind of hurt incurred on you by her prevents you from helping her? 
I mean, she isn’t the most hard working person but she also doesn’t sound like a horrible abuser.
Why is it that kids refuse to help parents? [/quote]

Well first, yes I still am a little resentful that many of the choices she made while I was growing up made for a pretty miserable childhood (trying to let that go).

More importantly I know if I were to gift her money once it would just open to door to her asking for/expecting increasing amounts down the road (regularly saw this growing up with her requests for money from her parents/siblings).

If it were truly a question of her being homeless/a medical emergency, etc of course I would step in but not simply to improve her lifestyle because she chose to retire at 62 despite having no savings.[/quote]

Didn't you say she left her last job two years ago - so at 67?[/quote]

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