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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I do have diagnosed ADHD. I forget things all the time but I am definitely not lazy. I wish people would recognize it is an actual brain disorder and not something I’m doing on purpose. [/quote]

This. It is so hard to even see clearly sometimes what I have to do. I can work very hard but it often feels like paddling furiously in an eddy with one oar.[/quote]

Have you gotten help from an executive functioning coach or adhd therapist? 
They take into account your adhd and together you come up with systems and processes that work with you and your adhd brain. You then have to practice and do them. [/quote]

Everyone with adhd has systems and processes.  I thought everyone had them until I got married, and my husband started asking me about them.[/quote]

As life’s demands or responsibilities change or increase you have to go back to the therapist and coach. And update systems and processes.  On adhd people do this seamlessly: make sensible, effective systems for the demand, and then follow it, optimize it further. [/quote]

I think most do.  They just see different life demands than you do.  For example, they usually get bored and need a change every couple of years.  You might see the demand to find ways not to get bored.  They might see a demand to find a new job.  Many ADHD people manage to make a regular transition to a different job or a different type of work within the same company pretty seamlessly.  
Personally, I don’t really see ADD as the big personality flaw that you do.  People with ADD are flexible, empathic, funny, and creative.  Maybe the OP’s wife is ADHD, and she impulsively said that she wants to start running, and she didn’t follow through.  But maybe she also impulsively initiates sex with him in the kitchen, when an NT woman never would.  Maybe she makes mistakes, but maybe she is better able to empathize and less judgmental of him or their kids whenever someone spills the milk.  
You have to take your spouse as they are.  You don’t get to take your spouse, keep everything that you like about them, and try to change the things you don’t.  
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