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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was raped when I was in college. For years I could tell you how many days had passed since it happened. It wasn’t intentional, I wasn’t counting every day. I just knew. It was part of me. For years I was a wreck leading up to the anniversary, couldn’t work or function on that day. I was depressed, I had PTSD, I took medication, was extremely dangerously suicidal, was pulled out of school, was in therapy… eventually I climbed out of the darkest hole but the event still dominated my life even 10 years later.

But then at some point, I realized I didn’t freak out in anticipation of the anniversary. Only on the anniversary itself. Then came a year when it was the day after that I realized the anniversary had passed. Now, almost 30 years later, though I still think about the event more often than I’d like to, the thoughts aren’t painful. The anniversary comes and goes and I can’t remember the last time I noticed it. I don’t even think I notice it in the anniversary month.

It took so so so long to heal and be released from my feelings.

Maybe you just need more time, OP.  Wishing you peace and freedom from your anger. [/quote]

OP here. Thank you so much for this, it gives me hope. I am so sorry for what you went through and still go through. Solidarity, I hope I can find similar peace in the future.[/quote]

You can! It is just taking more work than you would have thought. It is happening. Some people take longer to learn skills than others. You are learning how to heal.

There must be a way to benefit from the perspective of the experiences described above, in which people were raped or abused at home- the most sacred space. I have not heard that you have tried devoting significant time to those less fortunate. Helping other people could be the gift you give yourself. Sometimes helping others helps you get over yourself. I don’t mean that harshly. But sometimes when I am perseverating over a misfortune or injustice, I interrupt those thoughts by saying to myself, “Get over yourself. It ain’t all about you all the time.” I have had to say it 50 times to in a day when things were raw.  Write a short story about this experience. If it’s a bad as you say, it should make a for a great story!  Then identify a time when you were horrible to someone, however you would judge it. If you are human it has happened. Write a story about that too. It could take the power or mystery out of his horribleness and put him on the plane of just another human acting badly. He isn’t special either![/quote]

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