Reply to DH won't let DS (11) attend camps

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To be blunt, his sisters were abused by their priest as children, and he doesn't trust camp staff - any camp staff - won't abuse kids. I'm not sure how to handle this, especially now that DS's peers have been attending overnight camps for several years and DH just flat-out rejected the idea for yet another summer. I understand his concern, but I also want DS to have experiences he can't have on a regular family vacation. We've done a few days camps but DH was super unhappy about those. Advice?[/quote]

I'm in a very similar position to your DH.  It's unimaginably difficult to put ones kids in a situation that is similar to what led to abuse of a sibling or other family member.  I did delay sleepovers longer than most people.  We do send our kids to overnight camp, and they love it there.  There are times when sending them is hard for me but I do it.  Therapy has also helped.

I have a lot of empathy for your DH, but especially as kids get older it's so important not to stifle them because of our own experiences.  History is not doomed to repeat itself.  One thing I tell myself is that even if abuse does happen, and it could, I believe that the relationship we have with our kids makes them much more likely to tell, and kids who experience one instance of abuse, and who quickly get help, are at a much much lower risk of future problems than kids who suffer multiple instances of abuse or who never tell and never get help.

I don't know if your DH has done therapy but I would encourage this if I were you.  I think people in his/my position often overinflate the risks of something terrible happening.  When the unimaginable happens, it's pretty easy to picture it happening again.  But statistically, your kid is unlikely to be abused at a day camp or an overnight camp these days.  Good luck, this is all tough to manage and you both have your DS's best interests at heart.

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