Toggle navigation
Toggle navigation
Home
DCUM Forums
Nanny Forums
Events
About DCUM
Advertising
Search
Recent Topics
Hottest Topics
FAQs and Guidelines
Privacy Policy
Your current identity is: Anonymous
Login
Preview
Subject:
Forum Index
ยป
Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "This is really bothering me- always being "on" as the parent"
Subject:
Emoticons
More smilies
Text Color:
Default
Dark Red
Red
Orange
Brown
Yellow
Green
Olive
Cyan
Blue
Dark Blue
Violet
White
Black
Font:
Very Small
Small
Normal
Big
Giant
Close Marks
[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had this dynamic too. I told him that even though it's almost always ok, he needs to "ask" me before making plans. For example, he likes to do yoga in the morning. He needs to ask me if it's ok before he books it--it almost always is, but I do have occasional work calls that overlap with school drop-off. I He's gotten really good about asking first, but will occasionally forget. For example, last week and he booked a massage, then said "I have a massage booked for 4-6, which would mean you have to get the kids from school. I can reschedule if I need to, but does that work?" I told him it worked, but that he needs to ask before he books. At first he said he thought I was making too big of a deal out of it, but when I explained my therapist said it's manipulative to do something then say you can change it (instead of having a discussion, it puts the onus on me to tell him no) he got it. I also know he's terrible at estimating how long things will take and also gives me the estimates for the best case scenario, so I would just assume he's not going to be home if he's been working late on a project. I don't want a weeklong girls trip or to try to force him to always be on by just disappearing and leaving the kids with him, I want to be able to plan and make sure that plans work for our family, not just him![/quote] Hmm. Your husband shouldn't have to ask you permission to do things (same goes for you). Your husband's approach is only manipulative if he would have guilted you if you said "Hey actually, that time doesn't work. Can you reschedule?" Is this what your husband does do? Because then that seems like a separate issue. I do agree with the sentiment, though, that couples should always have a conversation around plans and let each other know in advance. [/quote] I think this gets a bit semantic, but I disagree with you because I don't view the PP as saying her DH has to ask "permission." She's not saying that he needs to ask if it's okay if he takes a yoga class or gets a massage -- those are his decisions. Rather, he has obligations for childcare during the time he is scheduling these things. They both do -- it's a joint obligation. What he's really asking for is to get out of this obligation and for her to do it for him. It's not about her giving permission, it's about her agreeing to do childcare for him. And yes, the PP would also have to ask him if she wanted to schedule something during that time, for the same reasons. Again, not asking for permission to do something, asking for help covering shared childcare obligations. Just like you would ask your coworker to cover for you if you wanted to leave work early one day but had something you were both obligated to do.[/quote]
Options
Disable HTML in this message
Disable BB Code in this message
Disable smilies in this message
Review message
Search
Recent Topics
Hottest Topics