Reply to ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ADHD 6 year old DD makes our family late almost every single day. She somehow manages to find distractions every single morning so that she has to constantly be monitored and pushed and forced out the door by her dad and I. It’s been going on for years and I am at my wits end from constantly trying to set us up for success and having her sabotage (however inadvertently) our efforts to be on time.

A typical morning is that she won’t want to get out of bed so that can be a 20 minute fight. If we get her to the table she will daydream, bring toys to the table, get up and play with her brother, or space out and not eat. Since she does not eat lunch at school most days due to extreme distractability her dad and I have to [b]give constant reminders[/b] to her -[b] Larla, please eat your fruit. Larla, please eat your eggs. I think we must say these things upwards of 10-20 times. We make her special foods[/b] (she’s picky and only eats certain things) and getting her to finish requires both of us pushing her and reminding her dozens of times.

She will then go to the bathroom and get lost - [b]we try to give privacy[/b] for pooping but if left alone she’ll skin pick til she bleeds or daydream on the toilet and forget to poop. If we let her get dressed alone ([b]after laying a full outfit on the bed or giving her choices between two items and laying them out[/b]) she just won’t. She will bring playing with toys, reading a book, etc.[b] Often after many kind, repeated, reminders[/b] we have to help her get dressed herself. We push her to get her hair combed and then escort her to put on shoes and coat she she often gets lost again. She often then will manufacture a crisis as we are getting out the door about some random toy or trinket she “must” have she force us to search the house for it and tear it apart while she gets hysterical and makes us more and more late.

I am so tired of this pattern. [b]Her dad and I try every day to stay calm, but after the 30th gentle reminder or kind word[/b], we find her screwing around and one of us at some point usually loses it and starts yelling. Yelling seems to be the only thing she responds to and I hate that we do it.[b] We have tried talking to her, reasoning with her, sticker charts, teaching her to tell time, humor, singing Daniel Tiger songs/pretends[/b] and literally nothing works. We are late, constantly and she doesn’t care. If her dad and I have a meeting or something important and we ask for her help, it makes her behavior worse. She will tell us time doesn’t matter. Eventually she might apologize but the pattern repeats every single day.

What can I do? I feel like a failure as a parent every day.
 [/quote]

OP, can you give us an update on how this morning went?

I agree with many of the posters here, and in rereading your initial post, I have bolded the lines that I think are the sum of the problem. Do you not see how you are catering to her bad behavior?  And yet - you give us the one thing that does work in ensuring her cooperation - yelling!  So, yell more.

I'm serious. You seem overly caught up in the fact that you have to be so nice, like you're dealing with a colleague or neighbor. You are not. You are dealing with an immature child who is limited in her development. She is trying so hard to tell you that she needs a strict routine and she needs for YOU to take charge. So, do it - not by begging and negotiating and pleading with her, but by telling her that this is the way it is, and she needs to get in line.
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