Reply to In-laws being pushy about visiting.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why would you do that? This is your family. The baby’s family. Families come together for important events. There is something wrong that needs some immediate therapy if you can’t have healthy, normal interactions. Keepiny grandparents away for a month or more is almost cruel. [/quote]

Umm no mom who just had her vagina stitched up feels like entertaining guests.  Get over yourselves and try to be useful.  [/quote]

Yeah, I love how the PP think the most important person is not 1) the baby, who can get sick, or 2) the mom, who just went through a major medical event but rather 3) the grandparent. That tells us everything we need to know.[/quote]

I’m the PP. I can’t imagine trying to make anyone more important than another. I was so happy and proud and very much wanted to share that with my parents and ILs. I guess you guys just don’t like your ILs? And there’s no “entertaining”, they’re not “guests.” They doted on us and supported DH. I really feel bad for those of you who would keep grandparents away for even a day. It’s not what healthy families do [/quote]

My in-laws brought home cooked meals, did laundry, and watched the baby while DH and I napped together.

They didn’t stay with us, but they stayed for two weeks locally and returned the next month for another two weeks.

Fun fact: you’ll need the grandparents when you have your second or third baby. Who else will watch your kids when you are in the hospital? Don’t burn bridges, op. [/quote]

Not everyone has in-laws or parental who are helpful! And not everyone has a partner who can hold a boundary with their parents.

With my first, my in-laws came at 6 days. They were supposed to come a week later, but booked flights when I was in the hospital and not aware of the travel arrangements.

I had insisted that they stay at a hotel since we were in a small apartment, but they still spent 10+ hours a day for5 days  sitting on my couch, expecting to be waited on and entertained. My husband was more concerned with taking care of them than me.

While I was really struggling to establish breastfeeding, I couldn’t use the one comfortable place in our apartment to nurse (the couch). I ended up getting stuck in a back bedroom struggling to pump every two hours while they wanted to hold the baby, and then clambered to bottle feed her every time I managed to pump something.

I finally had to plan some sightseeing for my husband to take them on just to get a little privacy to bond with and feed my own newborn.

My relationship with my in-laws has not fully recovered and I did not let them visit for two months after our second child was born. It was so much easier to only care for one toddler than multiple adults. I think it all would have been very different if I had known to not allow any out of town guests for the first month. [/quote]

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