Reply to Boyfriend is upset/sad that I am taking a bucket list trip with my sister

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m wondering why op’s sister isn’t going to Germany after the Japan trip, given the money, the distance, the vacation aspect, vacation with spouse, it’s strange that the husband wouldn’t tell his boss “I’ve booked a trip to Japan with my wife, I’ll fly to Germany from Japan, or even fly home then fly to Germany (since his work probably wouldn’t cover a flight from Japan to Germany), and I’ll see you all the first week in April.  
I
 Mention this because as cool as this trip is, OP’s sister seems to almost be using her as a stand-in, if op were married, and especially with young children, it’s doubtful she’d be able to just go the way she is now.. which makes me think that op would prefer to be single.  That’s fine, being single does offer some real advantages, or at least a different lifestyle.

OP also came to the right place if she wanted the feedback of “your boyfriend is a manbaby, he’s controlling, he’s not a nice person.. and he may be all of these things.

I also think it’s weird he wanted to be included on the trip.

Going forward, I’d go on the trip and enjoy yourself.  I’d not ask the boyfriend to take you to the airport, I’d not ask him to help pick out clothes, he won’t get to see you wearing them at some neat temple or bar, I’d not ask him to feed your cat, he’s not going, he’s a boyfriend, not a husband, he doesn’t have to lift a finger for you while you’re gone.

If you have a lifestyle that allows you to take neat trips with friends and family, wonderful.  Find someone who likes that, and be ready for them to do the same.

Be advised that if you marry and have children, your ability to travel may decline, you may have pregnancy or other health complications men simply don’t get.  You may find that your single friends can travel when you cannot.  You may find that you enjoy your husband and children and simply don’t want to be gone.  The people you know may develop health problems, I love my sister, I doubt she could travel to Japan, at one point she was eating baby food, actual baby food, I can remember feeding one of my babies purees and my sister said in absolute seriousness “Can I have some?” She meant it, her health issues mean that at times she cannot eat adult food, too spicey, too chunky, the portions are too big, so she has to eat little meals, very much like a baby, too lots of things. It’s sad because you don’t realize what it means and how it changes your life until you see or experience it.  Point being, your travel buddy may not always be able to go which can suck if your spouse says “too bad, just find another one, we agreed before marriage we’d each do our own thing from time to time.  
The
 Other problem is that you can spend so much time doing things with friends, you do nothing with your spouse.  My husband didn’t care about the Great American Eclipse. He told me I should go with friends, and I nearly did. Then I told him he’d regret not going, meaning he’d be sad to not have this experience with me. He went and later on said “You’re right, this was incredible”.  You also need to have experiences to look back on when the two of you are fussing at each other.  In other words, you don’t want your spouse to be the source of nothing fun.

You may also see a dynamic where your travel pals view your spouse as an appliance “get him to look after the kids” “Tell him we’re going so he can clear his schedule to take care of things at home” with hints of abuse and control when he says “I’d really prefer we’d do something as a family or a couple”. My dad has seen a few cases of senior citizens who have time and money to do their own thing where one spouse says “This is the fifth trip you’ve taken without me this year, you can go, but I won’t be here when you get back”.. and they mean it.  
This boyfriend may need to be dumped.  If you meet someone you do like, make sure that your sister isn’t keeping you around as a pet.  It is awfully convenient for her that you are physically able to go to Japan when she wants to go.   Most people wouldn’t be it work, school, kids, health, a house where work is scheduled..  you are more of a convenience to her then her own husband who now can’t make the trip. You don’t mind this because Japan is a place you want to go and you like your sister, just keep it in mind for the future.  The person who said you are likely to be single forever is onto something.. and if that isn’t what you want, you need to think about it.

If you like the boyfriend, book a weekend trip with him.  It’s strange that 2 adults haven’t done this yet, and I’d be curious to know why.  You can always cancel or go with your sister if you two break up.  Oh, and if your sister may not be able to go, pay attention to that too.

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You sound nuts. That is all.[/quote]

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