Reply to If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So many people in their 40s are just scared to  death that instead of their parents helping them,  which they are used to, they will have to deal with their parent having cancer or orthopedic surgery or illness. And unless the parents are in a full time skilled  care nursing home, and why would  they be there (?) they will still have to help regardless if they live in a house or condo or over 55 community with a golf course.

No living arrangement mitigates any of those things,  and a 65 year old can get sick like a 45 year old. It's that simple. And they hope they will have their kids  to help somewhat, but just like you guys, they will hire help, just like you will. 
 Moving out of a house doesn't help cancer.  Or anything.

Such empathy,  kids. [/quote]

No, so many of us in 40s and 50s are burned out from helping out parents so much to the point of us developing our own health issues and it taking a toll on the families we created. So many of us have been through many years of this with parents and inlaws and after many years of therapy are trying to figure out how to finally set boundaries with some very entitled and spoiled parents who simply visited their own parents at the AL and called mom and dad in the hospital when there were emergencies at the AL. I am well aware younger people get sick. I have my own serious health issues and my husband almost died last year from a freak mistake during a routine surgery. At the same time I had a parent melting down because I could no longer cater. It certainly is not simple and as the mind ages many of us are finding out parents acting like spoiled toddlers with out the cuteness and lovableness that comes with toddlerhood. They berate us like we are bad children all while tantrumming to get their needs met. It is very complicated and it can on for many years.

Yes, I know all about hired help as they age in place. They don't show up or quit and your parent is isolated, hungry and miserable. In a facility you have guaranteed meals, social interaction and people around for emergencies. It truly is priceless. The best part? When you see a previously miserable parent get a new lease on life because she/he made a new friend and is finally getting out and about again with friends. That is worth it's weight in gold. It's a lot easier to visit a parent who is happy and has a life and it is an absolute joy to meet their friends and hear their fun stories. Totally different from visiting a depressed parent lashing out who's whole life revolved around whether you call, how long you stay on the phone, you not visiting enough, caregiver not showing, Fox news making them paranoid, etc.[/quote]

I've got to weigh in here, people. 
1. This is about the social implications of being retired, not about aging after 75. This thread took a turn somewhere about filled up houses, mentally ill parents.And Fox News. Not relevant.
2. I am 65, and not interested in living in a CCRC, and really no one my age would be. Most of you don't understand generational divides or anything anout aging. I also don't want to live in an over 55 situation.  There are many reasons for that,  and they are social. Medical plays no role in this. My medical  needs will still be the same here or in "Legend Woods" with a first floor suite. If I break my leg,  or have cancer, I will have the same problems as you. I am not infirmed, so what are you planning- are you going to sell your house? If your problem is chronic, you may have to- same with me.
3. I just buried my in laws  and parents  with in this last 5 years, and 10 years ago. When things go to $#!!++, they go to $#!!++ regardless of where they are. My parents were in Leisure World, then an independent living, then assistive living. I still had to  be involved every day and manage nurses,  hire nurses, deal with doctors.  There's no escape route with that,sorry.  Until 86, they were living their lives, active, well. My Dad lived till 96. Yeah, I still had to deal with their stuff in the condo and 2 moves to places with more amenities and care. I was involved every hour of every day. Same with inlaws. 
4. I don't watch Fox News. That is not a default  in my circle.  I am extremely politically involved in many grassroots groups ,  volunteer work.  I am an artist and a writer. I'm not yelling at my neighbors, or my adult  kids.  I see people everyday of all ages.  Many of my neighbors are in their 50s, 60s, and 70s interwined with 30 and 40 year olds.  There's literally no reason for me to move. Sorry, but there's a big difference between 65 and 80. I also am not interested in living in a homogenous age group.  Sounds  like  my idea of hell. I retired, but I didn't shrink into a useless waste of your time.

My point is you are still going to have to help your parents out even in a CCRC when they are older.  I did, and you will, too. You probably won't be off the hook because of any living arrangement. If they can't use the steps, then  move, but, other than that, there's little point until much later on. [/quote]

You were involved every hour of every day with people's care in an assisted living facility?  That is not my experience at all with my parents.  Were all these people in cognitive decline?

For my ILs the issue was they could not find spots in these places when they needed them.  Their medical issues were too far along.  My [b]mother in law [/b]ended up going straight from home after a full-blown crisis to 24-7 skilled nursing care, which was incredibly difficult to find for her.  It was months of 24-7 stress and life upheaveal for her kids (my spouse and siblings).

Agree assistance is needed to make move within the complex although assistance can be provided with that if you pay for it.  But agree a family member needs to ideally supervise and be available.

I get your position at 65 and think it needs to start changing at 75.  The title of this thread was 60s or 70s.  [/quote][/quote]

Here's the secret to assistive living. There's [b]very[/b] truncated assistance, and nothing , I mean nothing, for things like potential falls. What everyone tries to do now is get 24 hour or  just or hourly day help in an independent  living situation until such time as full time care in skilled living if it gets to that.  Nothing is as it seems. There's no easy way out. CCRCs have the best situstions for sliding bewteen care level,  but even there, there's hired help in between. That surprised me.

So at 75, I still, 100% will not be ready for a facility unless I have a progressive disease.  And you won't  be either.  We'll chat then. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics