Reply to If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So many people in their 40s are just scared to  death that instead of their parents helping them,  which they are used to, they will have to deal with their parent having cancer or orthopedic surgery or illness. And unless the parents are in a full time skilled  care nursing home, and why would  they be there (?) they will still have to help regardless if they live in a house or condo or over 55 community with a golf course.

No living arrangement mitigates any of those things,  and a 65 year old can get sick like a 45 year old. It's that simple. And they hope they will have their kids  to help somewhat, but just like you guys, they will hire help, just like you will. 
 Moving out of a house doesn't help cancer.  Or anything.

Such empathy,  kids. [/quote]

No, so many of us in 40s and 50s are burned out from helping out parents so much to the point of us developing our own health issues and it taking a toll on the families we created. So many of us have been through many years of this with parents and inlaws and after many years of therapy are trying to figure out how to finally set boundaries with some very entitled and spoiled parents who simply visited their own parents at the AL and called mom and dad in the hospital when there were emergencies at the AL. I am well aware younger people get sick. I have my own serious health issues and my husband almost died last year from a freak mistake during a routine surgery. At the same time I had a parent melting down because I could no longer cater. It certainly is not simple and as the mind ages many of us are finding out parents acting like spoiled toddlers with out the cuteness and lovableness that comes with toddlerhood. They berate us like we are bad children all while tantrumming to get their needs met. It is very complicated and it can on for many years.

Yes, I know all about hired help as they age in place. They don't show up or quit and your parent is isolated, hungry and miserable. In a facility you have guaranteed meals, social interaction and people around for emergencies. It truly is priceless. The best part? When you see a previously miserable parent get a new lease on life because she/he made a new friend and is finally getting out and about again with friends. That is worth it's weight in gold. It's a lot easier to visit a parent who is happy and has a life and it is an absolute joy to meet their friends and hear their fun stories. Totally different from visiting a depressed parent lashing out who's whole life revolved around whether you call, how long you stay on the phone, you not visiting enough, caregiver not showing, Fox news making them paranoid, etc.[/quote]

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