Reply to How to explain to Ils that parents don’t want to share Christmas

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’d tell my parents to deal. If they want a solo weekend, they come at a time that’s not Christmas.  [/quote]

+1[/quote]

+2. I don't understand this doling out of the christmases. Why can't they both go to both and everyone be together? That is certainly in keeping with the Christmas Spirit. And parents need to understand that times change. This is not their Christmas in their house any more. If they want uninterrupted time alone, they do it at other times of the year. 
The end. [/quote]

Like when Mary and Joseph forced themselves into a crowded inn rather than politely staying out by the manger? Come on. Forcing yourself on people who don't want you is not in keeping with the Christmas spirit at all. They could have asked permission, but they didn't because they wanted to manipulate and use social pressure to get what they want. Rude, rude, rude. Rudeness is not the Christmas spirit.  "The end."

The parents dont want them there, but you can't disinvite uninvited people if you don't know they are coming. The OP doesn't want them there either. Time for the DH to act like an adult and speak to his parents, or the OP can do it for them. [/quote]
I’m sure they did ask permission and then OP’s parents said ok (because they felt pressured) but the IL’s thought it was a real invitation. I am absolutely positive they didn’t just knock on the door out of the blue. OP would have said said that if it were the case.[/quote]

If OP's parents said Ok then it was a real invitation.[/quote]

If the ILs did ask, that's really rude too.  You cannot ask people if you can come for holidays unless they're very very close relatives or friends, because it places them in an awkward position. It's much better than just showing up at the door, but it's still really really rude. If people are polite enough to say yes and spare your feelings, it's still rude.  It's manipulative and intrusive and exploits social norms to trample boundaries. If the OP's parents actually did want the ILs there, they would invite them-- really invite them, not say yes under pressure.[/quote]

Sure you can ask.  They are all related by marriage.  "Hey guess what we will be in town over Christmas, would it be ok if we all spend it together at your place?"  Thats such a perfectly natural ask and so common esp on a holiday like Christmas that many people in OPs parents position would deem it a snub if said in laws did not make their plans known and ask to spend it together.  [/quote]

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