Reply to How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Try everything and then just move on.  We're still married but open, and I don't expect him to fulfill any of my needs except financial. Try treating the co-mobidities. DH is medicated for depression and anxiety, and if he wasn't we'd be divorced. Try a CPAP. DH needs a lot of down time when he's not masking so quality sleep is key.

We've tried neurodiverse couples counseling and ASD coaching, and individual therapy too[/quote]

same route and end game here. [/quote]

OP there are ASD/neurotypical couple support groups - do a search here and there should be some links - this subject comes up often.  Pay no mind to the PPs who try to dismiss your concerns (it is the same moms of ASD who try to shut the conversation down).  This is a very real and a very lonely situation. You deserve peace, you deserve a life that is less strife. [/quote]

Yes those evil moms, insisting that their autistic children are human.

OP get yourself individual therapy. Whatever is going on with your spouse, it will never work to project all your issues onto a diagnosis (real or imagined). [/quote]

I would imagine that a lot of people with ASD spouses also have a child or children on the spectrum. 
It’s possible to realize that your spouse is a human being and want the best for them AND recognize that the marriage/relationship isn’t working.

[/quote]

yeah but the fact is - YOU married this person voluntarily and pro-created with them. It’s just not accurate or mentally healthy to fixate on the notion that “my marriage was ruined by autism!!!” That is both incorrect, and prejudicial. At one point your partnership worked, and now it doesn’t. Can it be repaired or not? Maybe it can’t be. But most likely you have some role, because it used to work. [/quote]

It’s a completely normal stage of thinking.

There are threads on here saying “my marriage was ruined by x (adultery, addiction, mental illness, low libido, etc.),” and of course it wasn’t.  People who aren’t dealing with any of those things have problems too, you would still have issues with your spouse if it weren’t for “x,” and there were probably things that you really liked about your spouse that also led to this behavior.

But blaming all of your issues on one thing is just part of accepting and understanding that thing.  
The next step is either divorce or doing something to overcome it.  Maybe joining a group or meeting with a therapist to discuss communication strategies.  
Then you get this kind of euphoria where you think everything will get better (they call is “pink cloud” in early recovery from alcoholism)
Then you realize that even with your new communication skills, you still have issues just like any other married couple.  
[/quote]

^^wise. [/quote]

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