Reply to SAHMs and marriage dynamics?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I stay at home and have the same arrangement with my husband. Everything is equal and I buy whatever I want for myself with *our* money.
You realize that staying home to raise children is a pretty intense job if done right? The alternative is a stranger of questionable intelligence and motivation raising one’s kids for $60-70k per year after tax. So why couldn’t I buy myself jewelry or whatever if I do that job for free and better than a nanny? [/quote]

Are you talking about homeschooling? If not, what do you know that’s so intense once your kids are out of school? [/quote]]

Sorry, *once your kids are in school (like they don’t need nannies anymore)[/quote]

I know PP already answered this, but I want to add that thoughtful, dedicated parenting, maybe even "intensive" parenting, shouldn't stop when the kids go to school. What I often see happen is that a parent sort of gradually detaches from parenting in the elementary years, and then cannot for the life of them understand why their teen turns their back on them. Also people often quit reading parenting books when their kids start elementary school, which makes parenting teens that much harder. So then because their teens are busy and more self-sufficient and don't seem to want their company, and their primary interactions are discussing ( or arguing about) school and college applications, they check out of their teens lives, which has negative consequences for their teens and the parent-child relationship. But school age kids and teenagers need their parents in different but no less important ways than babies, toddlers, and preschoolers.

Now, SAHMs can definitely check out too. And approaching the school years as an intense job can be done by a working parent, for sure. I am in no way suggesting that working makes you a worse parent and staying at home makes you a better parent. But it's much harder to be a good parent if you have a full-time job simply because it takes time and energy and you have less of that when you are a full-time parent. Doubly so if your child has challenges like anxiety and depression or a special need. I have two school-aged kids and I find the time we spend together right before school and the time we spend together after school, plus the time we spend together on the weekends (which is usually most of the weekend because I run errands and such during school hours) to be incredibly important.

I do wish that parents could do all this without putting themselves in a financially precarious position (I HATE that my earning potential is so low), but it is what it is. [/quote]

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