Reply to He's cheating. Now what?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I would discuss with him an open marriage and  if you still sleep with him use condoms. I don’t feel it’s feasible to divorce just because of sex, if he’s a great father, and your life is otherwise comfortable. I would be more concerned if he had a serious affair that’s a marriage killer. He seems to have sex dependency

What I find appalling with cheaters is then opening marriage for themselves and often keeping “clean” spouses on call for sex when they want to, and fully unaware.

You should be able to fulfill your sexual desires and feel made adoration as well, not to always think about him and his transgressions.

You have to learn to treat sex as basic bodily function like meals. Your husband has meals out at times, same applies to sex. [/quote]

Not everyone wants an open marriage. Not everyone wants to live a lie. Some people feel having an open marriage is the same as being divorced or at least separated. The main  issue with divorce and separation is that you can't live in the same house or comingle assets easily. That's why people stay. It is something to consider. But lets not try to make everyone into a cheater as a way to solve someone's cheating habits.[/quote]

Uh, it already is an open marriage.  To him.  One sided, sure.  But he’s busted it wide open already.  He’s not going to stop.  Maybe for a couple years, but then he’ll be back into it again.[/quote]

This is so true.  I 'accidentally' slept with an older married man in my early twenties.  In the beginning, he didn't mention he was married and I didn't try to find out.  I was so 'in love' with him at the time. It was ridiculous and obsessive, and I couldn't tell anyone because I knew better, but I did get it together and shut it down. He continued to reach out here and there over the years, until I met DH and I put a stop to all communication at that point. Well, 20 years later and this guy is still married to the same woman, and she still posts happy family pictures from time to time on social media (I know, it's totally sick that I even look once and a while and I wish I didn't).  He has no social media presence, obviously because he's got a lot to hide.  No doubt in my mind he's serially cheated on her all this time because I knew the cheater version of him.  Maybe she's happy?  Hard for me to wrap my mind around that, but again, I only knew the cheater version of him, not the husband/father version of him.  [/quote]

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