Reply to If your significant other is a partner at a big law firm, what time does he/she get home usually?

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Reply to "If your significant other is a partner at a big law firm, what time does he/she get home usually?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Former big law associate here. Now, fed attorney. I saw a lot of partners who took long lunches, long dinners, read the paper at their desk.  They seemed to enjoy office time more than actual personal time. This led to other people working longer hours because if the boss takes a long late lunch, meetings start late, last longer.... Boss doesn't review work until after finishes long dinner and read the paper.... It seemed to me, the desire to stY at work or be in he office was stronger than going home.  It wasn't that they wre always working but delaying which caused others to delay going home too.[/quote]

Once you make partner, you get to choose whether or not you spend your time this way, right?  As spouse of an associate, it is my hope that though partnership doesn't lead to fewer hours, it leads to more autonomy.  Essentially, you're not sitting there so some other guy can take a long lunch, you get to decide for yourself.  And, I feel certain that my DH would come on home and choose to work after bedtime if he could.  I know there are plenty of partners who work that way, while I suppose there are also plenty who do what you describe.  But, let's not generalize everyone because of a few.

For the OP, I don't think it's for anyone else to weigh in on what is okay for YOUR family.  You need to be at rights with your spouse's hours, and if you're not, you should have a conversation about it.  Even if he can't change the hours, perhaps you could come up with another solution.  FWIW, we are one of the morning/evening trade off families.  DH does drop off in the mornings (so gets 2 hours each morning with the kids that way); I handle dinner and bedtime.  [/quote]

This is an incredibly sweet, yet incredibly naive post.

I agree with the associate above.  There are a lot of people at the firm who are incredibly inefficient with the way in which they spend time.  They do not work with an eye towards getting out of the door as soon as possible.  Does every single person work like this?  No, the problem is pervasive.  And often is has nothing to do with the partner, and everything to do with the associate himself.  While some of you like to imagine your spouses toiling away on wonderful society-enhancing work that they love at the direction of the mean, relentless overlord.  It's not actually like that.  Everyone posting wants to think their spouse and marriage are the exceptions.  Maybe you are; I am skeptical that there so many exceptions and they are all writing into to DCUM.

I'm trying to find the gentlest words to respond to this idea that your husband will have more automony.  He will be respond to more senior partners and to clients.  Ask your husabnd if he can name one person who found that anytime in the first ten years of partnership led to more autonomy. [/quote]

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