Reply to Almost former ILs still want their "party"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]You might be surprised at how many families make concessions for their children to have family holidays. Not saying you need to do all the work, but my family has several divorced couples who work together to have family holidays.

We are not going to be one of that family. We are no longer a family. Holidays will be separate. I already put a deposit for our Easter trip. People will need to get over that. I will no longer be a buffer and prioritize other people's needs over my own. I did that for 17 years. And yes, my children are fine and are actually looking forward to smaller sized holidays, to trips on the holidays and not be constrained "so-so will be hurt if you don't come to their house". Enough.
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OP, I was sympathetic to you in the beginning, but the tone of your posts is very flip and aggressive, and now I find myself being sympathetic to your inlays if this is how you communicate with people.  You can convey your message in a much less offensive way.  In any event, all of your posts are written as if the divorce has already happened.  It hasn't, and apparently has not even started.  It's not surprising that your kids' grandparents want to see them on the holidays - what is surprising (or maybe not) is that after 17 years you don't have enough of a relationship to respectfully but firmly tell them that this year will be just your family, and you are sorry that they are upset but that you think this is the healthiest decision for you this year.  Don't pretend it's in your kids' best interest, because it is at best neutral for the (it's always best for kids to have as many people around that love them as possible).  People will get used to this new normal in time - you have had much more time to get there mentally than your inlaws, they are older and I think you need to cut them some slack in your communication in light of that.  And don't kid yourself that your kids are excited about all these changes, even if that is what is easiest for you to believe.[/quote]

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