Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a therapist try to pull this on me once. I did not go for it. Sure I think my dad’s harsh, strict parenting style was not a good match for my shy, sensitive personality, and contributed to my anxiety. I will do better for my kids, but I don’t blame my dad, and I have absolutely no doubt that he loved me very much and was doing what he thought was best for me, based on the models of parenting he had been exposed to.
I told the therapist that blaming my parents wasn’t going to fix the here and now, and I wanted strategies for the present. She told me she wasn’t the right therapist for me.
I can’t imagine my life would have gotten better at the time if I blew up my adult relationship with my parents on account of something that happened in childhood. [/quote]

I highly doubt the therapist was telling you to blow up your relationship with your parents.

It sounds like she was trying to help you see a pattern or connection between what you learned from your parents as a child, how you coped with it, and what’s going on in your present, adult life.

Why? Not to “blame” your parents! But to help you react and engage with your adult challenges in healthy, adult ways that help and serve you. Often to do this, we need to understand the behaviors and coping mechanisms we developed as kids so we can more consciously choose whether to. Infinite or discontinue them as an adult with people other than our parents.

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