Reply to Wife is just lazy

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Wife is just lazy"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I work as a fitness and nutrition coach, and I worked with a lot of SAHMs like your wife.

Lack of exercise is almost never about laziness. Most SAHMs have a long history of attempting to lose weight, work, etc. But they end up pulled in a million different directions - they want to work, but their H won’t handle half of the sick days or pickups. They want to work out, but society makes them feel guilty for not devoting that time to their families. They try to balance work and life by getting involved in things like MLMs, which are enticing because they promise you can make a ton of money while also raising kids full-time, but of course always fail.

After years of these “failures”, they lose all hope. Most of the time, their H’s are unsupportive, like you are. They see “my wife cannot run 30 minutes” rather than “wow, my wife is going to the gym every day, how awesome that she is doing something for herself and improving herself!” Improvement in health is a long, slow game, not a “be able to run a 5k in 8 weeks”.

Making things worse, they usually have to ask their husbands for permission to spend money on themselves. So you have a perfect storm of years of martyring, a husband who sees them as a failure, and who denies them access to the money and support that WILL help them thrive. They end up severely depressed and exactly like your W.

If you truly want to help her, be supportive. Don’t stress over the house and cooking - that will come. First, she needs to regain autonomy and control over her life. She needs to feel supported. Let her know you think it’s fantastic she’s going to the gym. Ask if she’d like to do personal training sessions and make it happen. Take an interest in her dreams - I promise you, she has them. Listen to what her dreams are and let her know you want to help her achieve them. She needs to re-discover herself and her identity. [/quote]

With ONE ten-year old, there's zero reason for this tired old horse of "sick days and pickups".  You need just one well spent hour in the gym, and not even every day.   Don't try to tell me that his wife doesn't have an hour a day with one ten-year old.  The indulgence of white American women never ceases to amaze me.  [/quote]

Yes this reason like a satire. This isn't like 2 kids under 5 who are home all the time needing nonstop attention. The 10yo is in school most of the day.[/quote]

No, they are actually logistically challenging. If you work a 9-5 job, needing to leave at 8:30 and getting home at 5:30, you can’t do it without help of some kind. At a minimum you need aftercare and before-school care and isn’t always available (at our school it’s a lottery and only available for working parents).

Most dual income families  share pickup and drop off responsibilities or have reliable childcare.

It’s unlikely that this would be the one thing keeping a parent from working, but it was definitely a factor in why I am not going to go back to work. DH and I just don’t want that added stress. Also the kids do before and after school sports that aren’t at the school so that’s yet another wrinkle. [/quote]

I’m the PP above. Both my kids play travel sports. Somehow I still manage to work at my job, do domestic duties, work out and get kids to practices and games including traveling most weekends during season. Many of you are just lazy and looking for excuses not to work. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics