Reply to S/O What Do You Expect Your Sex-Starved Spouse to Do?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Chiming in that frequency defaults to lower drive spouse.  I'd like it 4-5x/week and get it once every 4-6 weeks.  [/quote]

Long poster here. I commented a bit on this earlier in the thread and in particular a blog post from Dan Savage's blog that discusses exactly your point. I think the PP you are quoting was more saying, yes, usually in relationships where no one is trying, it defaults to the lower spouse's sex frequency, but the presumption shouldn't be that it's the lower-desire spouse's fault and that he/she needs to bring it up to the higher-desire spouse's level either. The presumption should be that BOTH partners figure out a way to be happy in the middle somewhere. [/quote]

My point was that doing it once a month is not a reasonable compromise either.  Personally, I could live on once a week.  It would really be a gesture of good will and effort from my partner.  Before you tell me to rub DW's back and help out around the house more let me explain that I am the exception.  I am the wife.  And I'm a really retro SAHM, seriously old-school.  I do 90 percent of cooking, childcare, and shopping and all cleaning and ironing.  When ILs come over I make a four-course meal.  We have an infant, toddler, and 6yo and I do all night wakings whether they are sick or well.  And I want to be taken care of in that way most days.  When I worked things were exactly the same except a cleaning lady came weekly.  I still wanted sex almost daily before, during, and after each pregnancy and while nursing.  I weigh as much as I did before we married, no more.  Lingerie, dirty talk, dancing, quiet evenings drinking wine, going out until the wee hours, supportive conversations, getaways with just the two of us, gentle ego-boosting, harsh criticism, loud sobbing, muted moans of desperation, direct and indirect expressions of desire, praying, therapy, verbalizing the detrimental effect of the dry spells on our marriage: all have no effect.  Some people -- even men -- have low libidos. My perfectly healthy DH is living proof.  [/quote]

Could your husband be closet gay? [/quote]

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