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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, glad you're back.

You still haven't responded to criticism of this part of your OP:

[quote]And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim.[/quote]

Do you really not see how statement like this are essentially designed to make parents angry and defensive? You are not qualified to diagnose a child with autism, and if you are speaking like this to parents with autistic children, do you really not understand that they are own their own difficult journey that you simply do not understand? And your phrasing here about kids who get picked on is absolutely unacceptable from a teacher. Absolutely, 100%, not acceptable. Parents with kids who are being picked on and bullied are ALWAYS working with their kids to figure out how to keep themselves from being a target. Do you have kids? Do you not understand how heartbreaking it is to have send your kid to school where another kid is making fun of them or tormenting them? If there was a magic thing you could tell your kid to keep it from happening, you would.

It's just so condescending. If a teacher said this to me about my kid who was being tormented, not only would I not "believe her", I'd ask that my kid be removed from her class. When I child is being consistently picked on in your classroom, the answer is for the adult in the room to intervene, and work with the kids to address these issues. I get that you don't have perfect control, but you have more than I do in that moment, and "sorry kiddo but you've got to stop making yourself a victim here" is NOT going to cut it. Address the problem.

Fortunately I've never had a teacher pull this with me -- we've always had good relationships built on trust and mutual respect. But what you wrote in your OP was not trusting or respectful. I think if you have enough poor relationships with parents to write something like this, the problem might be you.[/quote]

Well folks I apologize for triggering so many parents with this post. Please know that I would never in a million years be so blunt in an actual conversation with a parent of a struggling student. I DO understand how heartbreaking it is, having been on the receiving end of such information twice. Please know, however, that there are many many parents out there who would rather deny that a problem exists and verbally attack the teacher for bringing it up in the most respectful, compassionate way. That was the audience for this post - parents who will leave their child, the teacher and sometimes the entire affected class hanging because they cannot believe that their child might need extra support. It is completely demoralizing for all involved. So, with those experiences under my belt along with the multiple chastisements posted in this thread from parents who DO want to support their struggling children, I will think twice about having these conversations in the future. You have cut me down to size, put me in my place, and schooled the teacher. [/quote]

PP here and again, your attitude here is abrasive and superior. Parents are responding to your attitude and tone.

The words you used in your OP were not "blunt", they were wrong. You are wrong that Kids who are being picked on simply need to "learn not to be a victim." You are wrong that you are capable of diagnosing a child with autism. Even if one of your kids has autism! I know from experience that often parents of kids with SN can be most guilty of hearing hoofbeats and thinking zebras. Your experience with your own kid can make it hard to view other children objectively, and unless you are evaluating the child in more than one settings, you are not getting a full enough picture to make a diagnosis (not to mention that being a parent of a kid with SN does not actually make you a doctor, we all need to remember that).

But my bigger issue here is that even when parents are politely and fairly pointing out how your OP was worded in a combative, hurtful way that put parents on the defensive, your response is sarcastic, angry, and rude.

If you want parents to approach you as a trusted partner, act like one. You are basically saying "listen to what I say but DON'T try to give me context that might alter my point of view because I'm right and you're wrong, and I'm the teacher so I know best." Sorry, but if that is your approach, it's no wonder you encounter parents who don't trust your assessment or who push back with alternate views. Maybe some of those kids who you diagnosed with autism really were just smart loners, and you could have better supported them if you hadn't been busy indicting their parents. Maybe some of those kids you decided were "acting the victim" were actually doing everything they could to lay low and protect themselves, and you were simply blaming them for a classroom dynamic they couldn't control.

I am so glad my kid's teachers are not like this.[/quote]

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