Reply to I regret having kids. I don't like being a mom. And it's affecting my marriage

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Reply to "I regret having kids. I don't like being a mom. And it's affecting my marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I enjoy being a mother but certainly do not like some of the things you describe. [b]Playing kid board games is painful. Pretend play is painful. [/b]I like to take the kids to museums and things like that. I like to cook with them. I enjoy certain volunteering at the school but loathe other things. I think the difference is that because I think I enjoy motherhood and that I am a decent mother, I do not feel guilty about the stuff I do not do. Find a few things you enjoy doing with your kids. Forget the rest. Good mothers come in all sorts of actions. One does not need to martyr her life to be a good mother. [/quote]

You know that very, very few adults actually enjoy playing Candyland or dolls, right? It’s not meant to entertain us or be fun for us. We do it for our kids.[/quote]

It is unnecessary. My grandparents did not play with their kids nor were they expected to. Kids can play with other kids. Parents don’t need to do it. My parents did not either.[/quote]

This. [/quote]

It depends on the definition of "unnecessary."  Yes, it's true that you can raise your kids without "playing with them" and still end up with great kids who become great adults.  On the other hand, based on the people I know (as well as my own family and my spouse's family) there does seem to be a correlation between being a truly giving and extending parent and having "nicer," more giving, less self-centered and more empathetic offspring.  I mean, let's face it -- there are a lot of nasty, career-obsessed, and super competitive women on DCUM who really do consider themselves to be excellent mothers simply because they have the money to throw at every problem or issue.  When it comes to parenting, time is more important than money.

I'm not saying women should become martyrs to motherhood.  What I am saying is that the pendulum appears to have swung way too far in the opposite direction for many professional women.  At least the ones on here who, instead of advising the OP on how to improve her situation, have instead seized yet another opportunity through this thread to bash actively involved mothers and defend their own choices as somehow better for the kids.  [/quote]

My mom and my grandmother did not play with children. 
They were stay at home moms. 
Idea that a parent is expected to play with their children regardless of their working status is relatively new. Children are supposed to play with their peers—not their parents. [/quote]

Well, my mother and grandmother did.  Your personal experience as a child doesn't apply universally -- but it clearly has influenced what you think all parents should be doing.[/quote]

NP.  She didn't say what all parents should be doing.  She showed her experience, just as you showed your experience.

The point is you can be an involved, loving, giving and extending parent without playing board games, make believe, or volunteering at school.

Kids need love, shelter, safety, food, and guidance.  They do not need a stay at home parent who is their playmate for 12 hours a day.  My childhood was idyllic and the most my parents played with me was them watching their shows in the evening while I took their food orders and brought my fake food to sit next to them. Or they "babysat" my dolls while I placed them next to them.  Plus reading books pretty regularly (not every night for 20 minutes).

The rest of the time we entertained ourselves.  The over involvement in parenting and becoming your child's playmate is fine if that's what you enjoy and can afford, but it's not required.  So no guilt should be needed if a parent (usually mother) doesn't like being a playmate.  There's nothing wrong with OP, and I'm sure she's a fine parent. [/quote]

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