Reply to Son and DIL asking for new vacation next year

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[quote=Anonymous]There's no issue here. People want different things, they can compromise or go their own way, it's fine. The son and DIL are not being coercive or manipulative. They are being honest and trying to meet OP halfway by offering to pay and trying to get their input/approval on houses.

The only manipulative behavior I hear is OP saying "what's wrong with the beach?" That's obnoxious. No one said anything is wrong with the beach, this is not meant as some kind of insult. They want to do something different. They are still making an effort to make it a family vacation. Asking what's wrong with the beach is like asking "what's your problem with us?" There is no problem. They want to do something else. It's fine.

One think I'll add is that I have found it important to form my own family traditions with my spouse and kids. It is important for our sense of cohesiveness as a family and to create healthy and meaningful relatioships between DH and I, and between us and our kids. That doesn't mean we don't join in on traditions from either family, we do. But for instance we always do winter break on our own because unlike our extended families we are not religious, and we want to do it in our own secular way so that our kids grow up with our traditions, not a Christian tradition that we don't subscribe to. Our families have handled this remarkably well.

Perhaps the son and DIL are also trying to start their own traditions, something that can be meaningful to their own family in the way that the beach trips were meaningful for OP as her kids grew up. You have to let the next generation figure some of that out for themselves. Their family is a part of yours but is not *your* family in the same way it was when you were raising your own children.[/quote]

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