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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've scanned all 9 pages to see if you came back to update, OP, so apologies if I missed more information.

In your initial post you don't mention having a direct conversation with your husband about this. You mention that you know he wants to be more intimate by how he's all over you most nights. So I think the issue here might not really be intimacy so much as it's conflict avoidance or just lack of practice communicating hard things.

When having a conversation that might bring up feelings of rejection or inadequacy, choose a time when you are both relaxed. You could say, "Now that the twins are 3 months old I want to talk about our sex life. I need you to know that I'm still struggling physically and mentally. I read that the first three months are sometimes called 'the fourth trimester,' and that's kind of how I feel. I still feel like my body is all about the babies and it's hard for me to flip a switch into sexy mode. But I totally understand that for you, it's been a year since we got pregnant and I'm sure you are beyond ready to have a regular sex life. How do you feel about how often we've been having sex recently? Let's talk about what we'd want in an ideal world, and what we think is realistic."

Just having the conversation will help you get on the same page. It will probably help him be a little more thoughtful and respectful of how you feel, and it will probably help you feel understood and maybe help you up that frequency a smidge. Marriage is all about communication and compromise. That doesn't mean having sex that you don't want, but our libidos are on a continuum, right? If you're at "ugh, no, sex is the last thing I want right now," don't have it. If you're at, "Well it wouldn't be my first choice but I think I could enjoy it if he's patient with me," then make the effort.

We all want to be seen by our partners and met where we are. Make sure your husband sees where you are right now, and do your part to see him and meet him where he is too.[/quote]

Personally I think that before this conversation happens, OP and her husband need to understand obstacles to sex, and also conditions that make sex extremely appealing. If that doesn’t happen and they just talk about how many times a week is reasonable, sex probably won’t be very enjoyable for OP and it’s either going to be an unsustainable  agreement or it’s going to cause some resentment on her part. But if they can find a way to ensure they are both having a great sex life, that will be sustainable and a great part of their marriage. [/quote]

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