Reply to spouse eats lunch out every day; I get leftovers

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't have any local friends (again, trailing spouse who works at home).

It's not a cost of doing business for him. People DO brown bag. He just goes around the office and finds the ones who haven't that day or decide going out is a better option than what he brought. I know because I've run into some of them at events (military) and they joke about it.[/quote]

So...make some friends? What is this -- you're first day at kindergarten and you don't know how to make friends??

In any case, this sounds like a money issue, in that he's spending money and you're not, and you resent that. Just start buying your own lunches. Buy dinner as well. Tell him to make lunch/dinner if he wants to start saving money.[/quote]

Why do you describe yourself as a "trailing spouse"? You don't have to trail if you don't want to? Next time he has to move, you can just stay where you are, especially if you work from home anyway. Get your own identity that doesn't depend on him.[/quote]

Tell me you don't value marriage without telling me you don't value marriage.[/quote]

Eh. If you value family do you drag your spouse around, resettling the whole family every year? This society is based on male ego, not the needs of women and children.[/quote]

A-MEN to this from another formerly trailing spouse. It's a great lifestyle until it isn't and then by that time it's become so normal that it's hard or impossible to make a change. And to the poster saying, just don't move, it doesn't really work that way. In my case, we didn't own a house in the US for 12 years. There was nowhere to "stay." And you don't get to decide you'd just like to "stay" where you're posted. And as "just a spouse," you've taken on everything to support the officer/employee and 1) everyone in your community expects that from you, and 2) over time, so does your spouse.

My spouse still resents me for agreeing to a 3 year tour so I could get my foot back in the door at work but the only way to do it was to spend another year in our posting.

OP, I get it. I think the issues here are much bigger than lunch once a week. And while I generally agree that one shouldn't expect their spouse to fulfill 100% of their social needs, there's also a space for recognizing that as the officer/employee you are going into a ready made professional and social sphere and that their spouse might need a little more support.

Is this your first time attached to an Embassy? Because usually the Embassy will have some outlets for socializing. Usually you just need to find that one person that will draw you into a social circle. Does your CLO put on events?[/quote]

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