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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here: When the kids were younger we had a tighter schedule because yes, they needed the structure. But now they are fine going back and forth.

Also they are definitely able to stay home alone while my spouse and I go out for date night, run errands, etc. They also don’t need tons of attention at home as they are teenagers and mainly stay in their rooms all day anyway. Spouse just  wants a completely silent and empty house.

[b]I agree that spouses should be a priority,[/b] but also feel like I shouldn’t have to make my kids feel unwelcome in my home…[/quote]

This is so sad to me.  Your kids started in a home in which both adults prioritised the kids, and now they live with a mother prioritises her new husband, who does NOT want the kids around.

I’m sorry, but I think it was so selfish of you to remarry this man.[/quote]

From my perspective kids always should be the priority. You brought them into this world.  You are responsible for them. Your home should be a safe haven for them.  You should minimize the impact of your divorce on them. 
 Obviously you can’t ignore your spouses needs and wants but your kids should come first.  
If the mess is the main issue then maybe a family meeting to problem solve or throw money at the problem and hire a cleaner (if possible).
If time and space for intimacy is an issue trouble shout that. 
Even with prioritizing your kids‘  it should be possible to meet your husband‘s. Your kids are old enough that they don‘t need 24-7 handholding so some balance should be possible. [/quote]

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