Reply to On a scale of 0-10, how angry would you be

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. DH is overall not a jerk and he was remorseful in this situation, but I don’t want remorse; obviously I want a spouse I can 100% depend on. When this happens, he usually stays on top of things for the next couple weeks then falls off again.

He usually handles pickup and I do dropoff since his job starts and ends early. He argues that since he’s 90% dependable, I should give him a break the other 10% of the time. We have tried therapy (three times over the years!) but I still find myself resentful and frustrated and unable to completely trust him. And now I’m just kind of sad. [/quote]

I think you are both right.

He is right that he is reliable 90% of the time. Where he stops being right is that the 10% is excusable and/or your problem to fix. My husband is 90% reliable to take our trash and recycling out to the curb the night before they pick it up. The 10% of the time he doesn't do that, he either has to haul ass to the curb at 6am when he hears the trucks and hope he makes it, or he has to manage the backlog of trash and recycling over the week. One way or another, it is not MY problem to deal with.

I think to an extent, you are extrapolating conclusions about his overall trustworthiness that may or may not be appropriate. I don't know that anyone can depend on anyone else 100% all the time. Sometimes people flake. I think the issue here is that your husband knows that this is an issue, pickup is at the same time every day, he is primarily in charge of it anyway, and he still made it your problem. He needs to be the one setting up the systems to remind him. That's what the problem is here. [/quote]

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