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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We adopted our kids privately though our attorney.  There is no planned contact wit the birth fmaily unless the kids want to on their own when they are 18. [/quote]

I think this is often the least traumatic. We're seeing problems with our family member's open adoption and the full inclusion of the child's birth family. There are real concerns arising about how this will affect both the adopted child and other children in the family.  [/quote]

It’s more traumatic for kids not to know as well as the birth family.  [/quote]

How do you know this - can you cite a reference?  Please show me some longitudinal studies which show that [b]fully integrating[/b] the birth family into the child's life is psychologically healthy?  I'm not talking about an occasional letter/photos or a visit once or twice per year.  I'm talking about full-on involvement - contact at least weekly, birth parents choosing/deciding which clothing child will wear, having their extended family involved and visiting regularly and posting info on SM of "their baby." It's all happy family now while child is young but what happens when conflict arises?  Where are the studies which show those impacts on the adopted child and the rest of the families?  That information MUST be made available to birth families AND adopters if they want to fully understand the decisions they are making. [/quote]

You have described parenting, not contact. 
Sounds like you want to set up the argument so that you sound right. .

It is about the child having options to meet their needs (and answer their questions). Their needs are likely to change as they grow. They don't NEED two sets of parents, but having two sets of parents might be made easier if one is not a mysterious black box. The child may want to know what they look like, what their health was and why they were unable to raise them themselves.

You, the adoptive parent, know your story. Your child will want to know theirs. [/quote]

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