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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The biggest cost to us was time and flexibility.  Our schedules were the time equivalent of living paycheck to paycheck.  Any little thing (sick kid, flat tire, etc.), and we were in a panic.  There was just no reserve.

Now I work part time, and I have periods of time that aren't already scheduled or dedicated to anything.  This gives us both a little wiggle room.   [/quote]

Very valuable point.

A lot of people make these sweeping statements about WOH or SAH moms and the things is: it depends so much on your jobs, what other supports you have, your finances, etc.

My DH and I both had very time-inflexible jobs when we had our kid. It was painful. It leads to a lot of conversations that feel like they boil down to whose job matters the most, when really what you are arguing over is who can more feasibly leave work 30 minutes early or get their 30 minutes late, or take a sick day, etc. Negotiating that constantly is exhausting. And daycares are rigid about drop off and pick up, plus you have t pack up your kids whole life every day and follow all their rules... it's exhausting. Life got so much better when I quit and started doing a flexible PT work instead. No more conflict. No more stress over drop-off or pick-up. No more worry that so-and-sos boss isn't going to be happy about this sick day or whatever. It's a massive relief.

Often when I meet women who are adamant that mothers should work full time, it turns out that either they or their DH has the kind of work flexibility where they can work from home whenever they need to, or they make enough money to afford a nanny or on-demand childcare, or they have family nearby who can provide childcare or do daycare pickup with no notice. That's great! We didn't have any of that. The best thing for our well being was for one of us to leave our jobs and then work part-time as the child got older and started school. It was me because (1) I made less money (2) I had more options for PT work in my field (3) I actually really enjoyed being home with our DC, much more than my DH did.

There is no one-size-fits-all solution. It would be interesting if we had subsidized childcare and/or real workplace protections for families (that would keep parents from being penalized for things like leaving early to pick up kids or needing to take a day off to care for a sick kid). But we don't. I made the best choice for my family given reality, and I have zero regrets.[/quote]

Well, yes, if there are two time inflexible jobs, the household can surely afford 50K for a nanny.[/quote]

Wow, incredible ignorance here. There are LOTS of jobs with little to know schedule flexibility that don't even pay 50k. Most service industry jobs for instance. Lots of government or administrative jobs with very strict hours. You might think they are "flexible" because people in these jobs often work unusual hours, or don't necessarily work long hours. But even a Big Law partner has more flexibility than a mail room worker who has no choice but to show up for their assigned shifts. Or someone in the restaurant industry who must work the dinner shift. Or an elementary teacher who can't just shift their start time 30 minutes to accommodate daycare drop off.

But two of those jobs together and it can be really challenging. People of course make it work because they have no choice. But say one person has a 90k/yr government job with strict hours and good benefits. And the other person has a 40k/year service industry job doing shift work with little ability to choose their hours or adjust their schedule to accommodate a child staying home sick or needing to be picked up early. They absolutely cannot afford a 50k/yr nanny -- that's more than a third of their income. They can stretch to afford a daycare for around 20-25k, but that daycare will also have no flexibility, and will do things like charge $15 for every minute you are late for pick up.

For this family, having the 40k/yr parent quit and stay home, and living off of 90k, might make a lot of sense. The SAHP can help keep expenses under control, the child will probably receive better care than they would in the low-budget daycare the family can afford, and you never have to have an argument about who tells their boss they need to stay home or asks to leave early or come in late.

As usual, DCUM doesn't even consider the family in this example exists even thought this family is MUCH more common a situation than the dual-income family with an HHI of 300k who has any number of options available to them.[/quote]

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