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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, go back home. Go back to your house and your husband, and reopen your business. It's time for you to step back now.

Why isn't your sister helping more?

You say that you have  a very large family and that you are one of 32 nieces and nephews. Why is no one else volunteering?
Why should it be YOU?

I was in a similar position years ago, when my father (a widower) was very ill but he refused to move to more appropriate accommodation and he also cancelled the home aides I had organized for him.

I am an only child and my husband and I live 6 hours away. 
DH and I would drive to my father's house whenever we were able to, to help at weekends (DH and I both work) but in the end it was unsustainable to drive there every weekend.

Most of my (able-bodied) relatives lived about 10 minutes away from my father's house but NO ONE volunteered to help, even just checking in or calling my father to see if he was OK. 
To be fair, one of my uncles and his wife did buy and deliver my father's groceries for a while but they grew tired of it eventually.

The burden landed on my shoulders in the end, even if I lived 6 hours away. 
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I’m so sorry to hear that no one was willing to help you either. It’s really so sad, isn’t it? I was given a list of vetted caregivers by the new hospice and it was like being thrown a lifeline! I would know where to look in my own state but here I’m at a loss. I started calling today. She also had a younger friend of hers come forward today and ask if she can come help as well. What a Godsend! She’s a wonderful lady - know my folks and my aunt for over 22 years and I gotta tell you, my aunt is a very difficult person. TBH, she’s going downhill fast so I’ll probably stay at least another week, now that the new hospice is in place as well as her friend, and someone we hire by the hour. A few cousins stepped forward and offered to help fund the caregivers. That’s going to help a lot!
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Hi OP, I'm the PP.
The new hospice sounds much better. Good that the friend has offered to help in person and that a few cousins have offered to help fund the caregivers. That must be a great help.

It is incredibly frustrating when no one is helping and no one is listening - especially one's own (close) relatives. 
Your 3000 miles in distance from your parents and aunt is much further than my 6-7 hour drive to my father's house. But still ... It became clear to me and my DH that it would become unsustainable for us to drive there every weekend.

Home aides can only do so much.

I got mad, frustrated and stressed that most of my close relatives - who all lived within 10 minutes from my father's house - did very little to help. Or nothing at all.

I get that I am an only child and therefore I was the main caregiver and it was my responsibility but I think my relatives could have at least offered to help.
I was even 'shamed' by one of the doctors at the hospital for being an only child and living so far away from my dad. I was 40 and married!
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Shame on the doctor for shaming you - that's so wrong.

That said, it is a lot to expect relatives to help. I was so fortunate that one of my cousins helped out with my mom after my dad died. She would come by with my dad's sister - they would visit, go out to eat, etc. My cousin barely has two nickels to rub together. She refused to take money, so I started giving her Visa gift cards whenever I came to town. I would give it to her right at the end when I was running out. She then used it to take out my mom and her mom, etc. But my cousin was only able to do that as she was already retired and even her grandkids were old enough to not need her looking after them, etc. My aunt also missed my dad, so spending time with my mom also provided some comfort. [/quote]

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