Reply to If someone is really in love can they still cheat?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm going to boil most of the responses here down to this:
Men can. Women can't.[/quote]

Yeah.  All the women had/have to believe it was love to make themselves feel better.  Otherwise, they feel like a Ho.[/quote]

Contrary to what most of you are saying, I am a woman who was in love with my husband, and I had an affair. Our marriage was not great at the time due to work/financial/kids/moving out of state etc stress (aka the usual life stuff), but I loved him. I was having my own personal self esteem/unworthiness crisis and sought approval from other very high status men. I didn’t even so much actively seek attention as I did accept attention from these men. A more self-confident, grounded, self-aware, thoughtful woman would typically fend off this common unwanted attention, as we do on a daily basis. When was invited over I accepted under the guise of friendship. I wanted to be wanted by some high status people/men. Turned out of course they just wanted sex, and I got tangled up in emotions along the way. Of course I lost my marriage to my wonderful hardworking husband along the way. Don’t do it, people. If you love your spouse, reign in all of your broken-ness so you don’t inadvertently destroy your family. Lust and your personal issues can literally blind (limerence, cold vs hot emotional states) you to your real priority in life- your family. [/quote]

It’s good that you can admit your responsibility for your actions, although you don’t really take full responsibility - telling a story about how you were vulnerable, fell into the affair under the guise of friendship, that you “got tangled up in emotions”, and how “they wanted sex”.  All of these constructs of story telling minimize your personal responsibility and position the affair as something that was done to you by predatory people.  You did it. You are the predator.

People who often carry out affairs tell themselves and others that they really loved the partner they cheated on because it makes them look less bad.

The reality of your story is that you cheated on someone and whatever you felt, it wasn’t love because hurting and betraying someone isn’t a part of love.  Every step you took was a conscious choice to manipulate and betray your husband.  You did that because you didn’t value him. You wanted something for yourself. You saw a way to get it.  You took it without any thought to how it would impact anyone else.  That is not love.[/quote]

My ex-wife will tell a sob story like that and she actively was looking for an affair/men on Ashley Madison.[/quote]

It’s the evil men that made her do that. Lol[/quote]

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