Reply to When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]After seeing a huge big fat wedding recently, we know that for our DD's wedding we will only pay for our guests, guests of our children + the nuclear family of the groom/bride(if needed).  The groom and his family can pay for their side of guests. Else, you will have resentment for everything you spend on. Same goes for my DS. We get the guests, we pay.

Culturally, different families value different things. The trick is to have a frank conversation at the onset and work out the numbers with both sets of parents and bride and groom.  Frankly, if the couple would rather spend their money on the honeymoon and want a backyard ceremony, I am all for it. If one set of parents want events and ceremonies they care about, then they should pay for it. And they are not obligated to invite guests from the other side.

I will pay the same for both my DS and DD. Same goes for giving help for down-payment or for looking after their children.  [/quote]

That is a bit of a hard line. So if the groom's family doesn't have means you are okay with not including people from your future son in law's side of the family in the celebration of the marriage of your DD? We paid for DDs wedding as the groom's family does not have a lot of money. Many friends and family of the groom attended and it was a joyful and fun event. I can't imagine telling my son in law he couldn't invite people from his side.

And based on our experience, the additional per guest charge isn't that big a factor in the overall costs. The expensive parts were things like the venue, photographer, flowers, dress, etc. Yes the catering was a big piece, but the additional cost per plate was a fraction of the total.

Of course if you have limited resources that's a different story but I would just encourage them to downscale the wedding significantly. That was not something we had to worry about.

[/quote]

I think that people can take out loans to fund their guests. So the groom parents can choose to include their side by figuring out how to pay for those people. Both sets of parents and the bride and groom need to contribute. [/quote]

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