Reply to Wife backing out on having kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If this is important to you, then bring it up. Make an appointment: “I know you are really busy. I’d like to find some time where we can both sit down and talk through some important issues without interruption. What are some times where that can happen?”  Then share what’s going on. Ask her point blank: Are you still interested in having kids? [/quote]

This. You need to be clear that not having kids is a deal breaker for you. How old are you both? If she's a doctor then she knows that a woman's fertility starts to drop at 30. Unless you're both 27, I would say that you need to [b]start trying within 2 months or you leave. Don't pressure her to have kids, but just be clear that you won't stay without it.[/b]
Also discuss childcare, division of childcare and domestic labor, etc. How do you plan to support the children's needs and keep up with domestic tasks? Nanny, daycare, weekly cleaner, meal planning, etc.?[/quote]

NP. This post started out sounding reasonable until the bolded part. How is it NOT pressure to tell someone that unless she does as you want, by a certain specific date, her marriage is over? Yes, PP, that is absolutely pressure. It's likelier to drive the DW away than to make her say yes.

I haven't read the whole thread so tough if this has been covered but the post above pi$$ed me off, so.

OP, have you actually talked to her? The good idea in the post above is actually scheduling a talk rather than trying to bring this up on the fly, whenever. Do not do it when she has to start a Zoom meeting in an hour's time. Or when she's heading out the door in 30 minutes. This is a long conversation to have and you should script yourself first so you don't wing it or flounder. And you need to listen to her, not just list your reasons. She might have seen things, especially during the pandemic, that have made her have MUCH more trepidation about having a baby, or raisiing a baby in today's world, than she had back when she said she was interested in having kids eventually. Has she talked about that? Have you asked?

And as an early poster noted: Her past two years are not the same as your past two years. I really wonder if you and she communicate well overall. I'm guessing not, and think you should start doing so, and strongly consider getting couples counseling so you have a neutral third party to work with you both, if there are issues re: children. Also: You loved her enough to marry her, right? Does your love vanish if she is having struggles with the idea of kids? Why, if you love her as a person, would you not want to help her be happier, more at peace, deal with any issues she's having, before you get into "have my baby or else I'm gone?"

Finally, I love how PPs like the one above and many others here just assume: "Leave her and find another woman, it's easy!" As if you'll find a woman you want to live with and raise children with, within the ideal time frame ASAP so you're not "dropping my kid off at kindergarten when I'm 50." This happens a lot on DCUM, though -- people blithely assuming they can just end their marriages and will find spouses/partners/baby mamas or baby daddies quickly and things will work out perfectly in just the right time frame for everyone's biological clocks.

Pretty naive thinking with zero accounting for things like infertility issues or those baby mamas/daddies being humans with careers, or existing children already, or a need to, you know, actually spend time getting to know you before agreeing to marry and start having children.[/quote]

OP Will have no problem finding a wife who wants children.[/quote]

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