Reply to Help settle an argument: with 2 under 5, doing errands is a break

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Help settle an argument: with 2 under 5, doing errands is a break "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you said your mom has seen how he acts. Can you confide in her? It will be really scary and hard at first but I really think you need to her out for your sake and for your kids. [/quote]

I wish I could but I cannot. She’s the kind of person who would not be a neutral sounding board, would turn on my husband and never be willing to look past this if we’re able to work through it, and would gossip relentlessly about this with her partner and friends. It would also reinforce a narrative in her mind that I’m her screwed up child. She’s never really seen past the me in high school/college who struggled with depression and bulimia and my weight when she and my father were divorcing because she cheated on him and left him for her new partner. My siblings were “easier” during this time and got favored status, eg my younger sister got a laptop and new clothes to to college and my parents paid for her spring break trips but because I was in therapy (expensive) and taking medications (expensive) that cost my mom a lot out of pocket at the time I got none of the same treatment. Literally my college roommates and my sister used to give me their old clothes before they donated them to Goodwill that’s how bad it was. (And yes I worked at the time but I was spending most of my money on rent and food.) I have always been her “hard” kid and I’m not going to give her a new chance to reinforce a narrative as she will see it as me screwing up again, expecting her to solve my problem, or thinking I want her to give me money.... [/quote]

Not PP but I'm so sorry, OP. I truly hope you are in therapy to deal with all of this. Do you have any friends you can turn to?[/quote]

Thank you. I haven’t told anyone because it’s not something anyone can forget once they are told. Most of my good friends are friends with both of us, many were in or at our wedding, etc. And my DH is very aware of how people treats him so if a friend was to start being cold/distant/different to him I am quite confident he would notice and ask me about it and try to figure it out. Honestly I would rather confide in a total stranger than a family or a friend. Some of them probably wouldn’t believe me, and some would say they knew it or suspected it and then it would forever change how they treat him. It’s a huge risk unless I’m certain I’m leaving the relationship. [/quote]

I'm sorry you are feeling so alone. This really sounds like an emotionally abusive situation and that you grew up the target of emotional abuse in your family so it will take work to unpack all that and find the strength to leave. But, you need to do that. He said you should go to solo counseling so go. Do you want this controlling, gaslighting behavior directed at your kids? For them to grow up with this as the model of a married relationship? Yes, having to deal with him as divorced co-parents is going to be really difficult but you can at least provide a stable, loving home on your own.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics