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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel really, really sorry for your in-laws, but not for the reason people might think. I think your husband is being terribly unfair to them.  He is keeping information from them that they would want to know (speaking of the golden rule) which is that you understand their wants and desires but you're struggling and would prefer a compromise.  The grown-up thing for your husband to do would be to engage them in honest discussion about this and ask if he can work with them to get them in the nearest hotel for the time when your new family is home.

By the way, the key word here is "grown-up":  IMO, your DH is acting like a seventh-grader at best and a first-grader at worst in trying to apply playground rules (who gets the most time with the toys) to a situation in which there are all kinds of layers that he can't understand and that he's not even trying to grasp.  I don't mean to suggest that a child is a toy -- I really don't -- but truly, if you re-read how OP (whom I feel so sorry for) describes his reaction, it's honestly turning the new baby into an object in a tug of war.

Here's a thought, OP -- can you tell him that he really is objectifying the child to the point of forgetting that there are lots of emotions and impacts here (including on his parents, whose feelings he's trying to "own" rather than allowing them access to information that they need to have -- YOUR feelings, which really do matter).  This is not about who gets the most time in the sandbox; this is about how you start to build a life that has a beautiful new dimension to it.

Good luck.[/quote]

Terrific post.  (Worthy of Carolyn Hax, even!)[/quote]

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