Reply to GF went out on ..not sure what to call it...with a random guy..advice sought

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Reply to "GF went out on ..not sure what to call it...with a random guy..advice sought"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Something doesn't add up.  She was intrigued by the offer, which is why she accepted and brought the friend to justify actually following through with it.  If she were not interested she would have shut the door instantly. 
[/quote]

I agree and asked her about this.

Here is her answer--obvi paraphrasing.

"In my marriage I ended up with no friends of my own. We had lots of friends as a couple but I didn't really have my own.  In divorcing, I am determined to have a cadre of my own friends, men and women.  When this guy called, I figured he is in my circle.  I see him at games and such.  He could be a friend."

This is both why she said she wanted to go; And, why she said she didn't invite me to go with.

I offer that without comment, not that I don't have feelings around it.

By the way, I'm all for her having a circle of friends that she sees, talks to and so on--men and women.  I wouldn't want to take that away from her.  I think it is good for her and us.  I want her to be happy.

That said, what I asked here remains my concern: was this "date-not-date" really a friend thing?  Should I be concerned about it?

I'm good with her doing friend things with guys who aren't trying to f*^k her, but if the guy wants that, it doesn't seem like a fiend thing to me--and not something I can go along with.[/quote]

You should do her a favor and break up.  Every update you look like a worse boyfriend.  She's being incredibly honest and transparent with you and you are determined to believe she is a liar and a sneak.  She deserves better.

[b]If you think "she's allowed to have male friends, but not male friends that are attracted to her" is a reasonable rule or one that you have the right to enunciate or enforce for your "gregarious, fun, vibrant" girlfriend, you are an idiot.  Men will be attracted to her for the same reasons you are.  The question is whether you trust her, and despite her almost pathological honesty with you, it's clear you do not.[[/b]/quote]

+100

As a woman who was also asked out a lot and had male and female friends and some male friends who were attracted me to and said so and I found ways to keep the friendship while they knew dating was never an option but their dignity was intact:

1. My boyfriend in my twenties hated when people were attracted to me, blamed me, was an asshole to them, punched one in a bar. And he didn't really love me. He was just an egomaniac and wanted me to be his property. Broke up.

2. My husband, of 12 years and going, is extremely cool and actually flattered when men are attracted to me. I tell him about everything and we are delighted about it together. I hang out with whoever I want to but Im not a cheating type and so have never cheated.

If you want to be with someone who is attractive and open and gregarious, this is part of the territory. People will be attracted to her. She has strategies for dealing with it. You need to have some internal strategies so you are not always feeling insecure. And decide whether or not you trust her and trust your relationship.
[/quote]

So in your 20's you were asked out on dates and said yes. Your boyfriend had problems with this so you broke up with him.

As a married woman you go on dates with men who ask you out. Your HD is cool with this and likes it when you do. Got it.

That cool but OP does not like his girlfriend going on dates with other men. He has no problems with her going out with friends males or female. So your swinger lifestyle is not for OP. [/quote]

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