Reply to Why can't men [my DH] multitask????

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a DH, I've read through most of these responses and want to share some thoughts for discussion:
 - What OP is talking about is not multi-tasking, it is executive functioning (as a previous poster said is "adulting")
 - On the topic of taking care of the household, yes, in general, women do pick up more than half of the workload
 - Everyone has an opinion on why this is and I would like to offer up another generalization that men don't care as much about household stuff as women
 - For example, most men don't care that there are dirty dishes in the sink overnight, or that there is half eaten food on the kitchen table, or that the laundry didn't get done (what's wrong with wearing a wrinkled shirt mindset)
 - But for those things that a DH cares about (work, pooping, hobbies, etc) most men are on point which suggests that they do not care about other things that bother women
 
The question shouldn't be "why my DH can't do X" but rather it is how to make a man (your DH) care about what you care about.  [/quote]

Appreciate this response, as I think it represents the way a large swath of the husbands who aren't completely useless, but don't do 50%, and aren't just raging jerks, think about this stuff. Super common. Let's call them the 25% crowd (they're doing some stuff!)

The issue with things like dishes in the sink and laundry and picking up food is that both the 25% crowd and their wives agree that at some point, these tasks must be done. Dishes need to be washed, or eventually you'll run out. Clothes can only be worn so many times - eventually they need to be washed or there will be an odor. The table needs to be cleared, or their won't be room to put your plate down to eat your next meal.

Their wives, generally, note that washing the dishes is actually easier if you do it before the food crusts. That if you clear the table right away, your room is visually nicer and it doesn't take any more work than waiting until the table is full of crap. That doing 2 loads of laundry on Sunday is much more manageable than doing 8 because literally every single piece of cloth in the house is dirty.

But, conveniently, as long as the 25% crowd waits a BIT longer than their wives to take on these tasks - they never have to do ANYTHING. Even though (see above) they agree that this is work that needs to be done. Because their wife gets it done before they see a problem. And so you have your classic free-rider problem. "Oh, of course I'd clear the table once four meals of dishes are on it, but you already did it a meal at a time! Oh, shucks!"

So - communication and compromise. If you can spell all this out with each other, and be honest about it in a real conversation where you engage (NOT nagging. NOT "yes dear") on what you think needs to get done when, you can find a way to make everyone happy. For example, maybe you see the wisdom in not letting the laundry pile up too much, and your wife is also happy to rewear jeans and sweaters to make the laundry stretch, and so you can do the laundry every Sunday, and she can take on all the cleaning. Sounds awesome.

And - it leads to the last ditch effort, which is the "let him fail" option - let him run out of dishes, let him run out of room on the table, let him only have stinky shirts. After a few weeks of scraping crusted on gunk off a plate from the sink just to be able to make a sandwich, he might actually figure out that it's easier to just run the damn dishwasher every night.[/quote]

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