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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH is like this. On days I WOH, I come back after picking up kids and breakfast dishes are still on the table. I have to clean up, make dinner, prep lunches for next day, throw in the laundry, check HW, and start bedtime for the kids. But I can’t say anything without upsetting him because he dropped the kids off in the morning. It’s exhausting. If I need him to do something I can only tell him one thing at a time or he will get overwhelmed and stressed out.

Some of it is nature, but some is nurture. His father is helpless and clueless and his mother always did everything. I want to raise my sons better. Already my 7 yo helps around the house more than DH![/quote]

It's impossible to separate the nature/nurture aspect.

My FIL was really awful in this way and so is my BIL. They never offer to help, and just expect the women around them to take care of everything. When I married in, they even expected me to start picking up after them or getting their drinks (I disabused them of these notions immediately).

One reason I stayed with my DH even after I saw this though was that HE would complain about their behavior before I even said anything. He'd admonish his dad for failing to say thank you or just leaving tasks for his mom to finish, and he has never had any patience for his brother's entitlement. So even though my DH was absolutely raised this way, he obviously learned before he met me (thank you DH"s ex-girlfriends and anyone else who contributed!) that this is not okay.

That said, he still does not do as much as I do around the house or with the kids. He absolutely has situational myopia where he just doesn't see or think about necessary tasks that need to be done. He'll do this thing all the time where I'll start folding a mountain of laundry that has been sitting on the couch all day, and he'll say "Oh, I was just about to get to that." I hear this all the time "Oh, I was about to do that." He said it this morning, when I was feeding DD breakfast and cleaned the kitchen while she ate and I waited for my tea to be ready. "Oh, I was going to do that after you left."

I think he wants credit for having thought about doing things and just not having gotten to them yet. I'll just laugh and say "Oh if you want points for this you gotta beat me to it!" I try to keep it light and not express annoyance because then he gets defensive. [/quote]

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