Reply to DD’s butt pinched in the pool

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dear God.  It's a butt. Everyone is so sad and angry because every Mole hill is turned into a mountain.

Now is a good learning opportunity about how to confront people and talk about what your boundaries are. But I disagree with the posters who think she should feel victimized here. Infact, I would applaud her for being so resilient and keeping things in perspective.  It wasn't right.  It's her body and no one has a right to touch it without her permission. 
But an immature fool showed off to his stupid friends by pinching a butt. Meh. Life goes on.[/quote]
Of course life goes on, you dumba$$. No one said her life was over or that she needs therapy. FFS.

But this is not a harmless prank.  If it was so harless why the f* do you think she told her father and she was embarrassed by it?

It's no wonder we still have male predators in our society. People like you think it was a harmless prank, and boys should just be allowed to get away with sh1t like this.

I have a teen son, and [b]if he did this[/b], you bet he'd be in huge trouble.[/quote]

Of course.   But should he still be in trouble if he DIDN'T do it?   Because that's what many on this thread are advocating for.[/quote]

If he was in that group of boys, he did contribute to the assault and if he doesn’t speak up, he should be in trouble.  Are you ok with your son being a silent onlooker to assault? [/quote]

Absolutely any of the kids in the group who (a) knew what was done; and (b) did nothing as a result -- didn't immediately get after their "friend" for doing something -- didn't immediately apologize for their friend's conduct -- they should be in trouble as well.  Now -- the thing to keep in mind is they all already know what they should do, and they did not do it.  Do you think any 13 year old boy does not know they should keep their hands off girls they do not know?  Do you think that any 13 year old boy is unaware that if they are watching someone they know do something like pinch a girl they do not know on her butt that (a) that is wrong (b) that they should do something like immediately apologize and take action to distance themselves from the friend and the conduct.

No -- eleven year olds are not responsible for deciding on appropriate actions in the event of people doing bad things to them.  They are embarassed it happened.  They do not know what all the actions mean.  They do not know what the likely alternatives response actions are.  They do not know what happens in the future when no one takes any action.  That's why grown ups need to get involved in situations like this.

What should be done?  That likely depends on whether some or all parents of the boys are around.  I would start with requiring an apology, and they would all get a short lecture on what their conduct amounted to, and a short lecture directed to the others on watching and not taking immediate action.  By short, I mean about a 1 minute in total.  I would also not leave the pool area right away.  There is no "ha ha that was weird, but we got away with it" if you stick around (your daughter can leave).  It then becomes a situation where everyone in the room knows those boys pinched a girl on the butt.  It is important to show that there is no shame in being a victim of a sexual assault.  There is shame in being someone who sexually assaults  someone else.

Five years from now -- when one of those boys who stood by and then had to apologize is at a college party and sees someone unzipping the pants of a passed out drunk girl -- that lecture from years back might well cause him to put a stop to a crime happening in front of him.

[/quote]

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