Reply to what do SAHMs do once kids are in school?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think your DP needs help and encouragement. Try to frame the running of the household as tasks to do as minimally as possible or to outsource temporarily. When you both worked who shopped, cleaned, cooked, did laundry? Did you or DP give birth? How old is the youngest? I think there is definitely depression (and possible ADD, but attention and motivation are impacted by depression) at play. She is not a good homemaker, she lost and can't find a job, she is overwhelmed and doesn't feel good and you are (perhaps rightly) critical and disconnected from her as a woman. Trying to avoid your disapproval sort of motivates her (and sometimes people are "social workers") but she is clearly struggling. You need to make sure the house runs somehow right now, she can't. You know that so stop the frustrated Groundhog Day routine. Then you need to reconnect so that you will have that bond to draw on in helping her to get help and to plan the next phase of your life, one that plays to everyone's strengths. Btw if bedtime works for everyone I'd let them have that time. If she is depressed it might be the time they get the best "connection" with her. This is not a good situation OP, you need to do some reading and reflection and take some actions. Best to you. PP who is the getting divorced lesbian mom. [/quote]

PP you've given me great advice in both your posts.  I think I was (am) feeling overwhelmed myself and didn't know where to start.  The idea of taking baby steps to get things going is a good one and hopefully will help with our "groundhog" day routine.  Actually, we have a lot to do for Christmas (some friends coming for Xmas eve dinner) and I've been extra frustrated with things not getting done - probably more because I'm worried about how I'm going to get it all done myself and she said to me just last night to please remind her - one at a time - of what she needs to do THAT DAY and if I didn't mind breaking it down for her.  Like, today, clean the bathrooms.  tomorrow, go shopping for xmas eve dinner....that kind of thing.  I secretly wondered if she read this thread and maybe took to heart some of the more thoughtful and helpful posts such as yours.  Anyway, it made me realize that she's probably struggling just as much and is really trying.

Thanks again for eveyone's thoughtful and helpful posts. [/quote]

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