Reply to 1 kid vs. 2 kids - how did you decide?

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[quote=Anonymous]We wanted two but were only able to have one. While we mourn the child that we were never able to have, objectively I can see that my 7 year old is better off. She spends a lot of time with cousins and friends she's "known" since infancy, so plenty of opportunity to learn to share attention and conflict resolution, but then can go home and avoid the bickering and jealousy I see many of her friends dealing with and getting stressed over. I would say that you have to parent an only more intentionally (i.e., giving them opportunities to practice the skills that kids with siblings get naturally), but I also think parents of multiple have to parent more intentionally in other ways. I know too many kids that have internalized greediness and argumentativeness from siblings, which is something I just don't see at all amongst the only children I know. So pick your poison.

I also just lost a parent and feel entirely confident that a sibling does not make things easier for elder care. My sister was actively engaged and helpful, but it frankly would have been easier to handle it on my own without having to negotiate someone else's emotions. And between me and 3 close friends that have lost a parent, only one friend really leaned on her siblings for support. The rest processed the emotions differently from their sibling or just didn't have an emotionally close relationship to begin with.

We still would have had a second child if we were able, but having parented an only child for 7 years now, I can see that a lot of the reasons people give for needing or wanting to give your child a sibling just don't hold water. If you want a second child because you want to parent a second child, then go for it. If you want a second child because you think you should have one, then don't. You child has as good of a chance at turning out perfectly happy or completely miserable either way. [/quote]

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